So what’s up with this feeling of being unsettled and HUNGRY? There are days when I really don’t want to be front and center in my own life. Being present today with a friend as she walked through the grief of the loss of her husband was difficult. The reality of how much time remains for my brother as he deals with fourth stage cancer confronts me. Certainly, this would explain my hunger for the past four days. Definitely, something has been off, and in response to the emotional chaos, my body is screaming for its anesthetic. Thank God this program gives me the tools to hold tightly to my abstinence, praying that I don’t revert to my old reliable compulsive coping skill. God please remind me that compulsively overeating certainly NEVER SOLVED any problems for me in the past. I realize that food is only the middleman in this scenario, a means to an end of altering my emotions, and making me numb. As a compulsive overeater, my past behavior pattern is to choose food-- lots of it to go unconscious and numb my feelings. If compulsive eating is anything it’s a way I remove myself from life when it just gets too much to handle. The strength to stay right where I am and to deal with what I am feeling or seeing can only come from my higher power. Surrender and acceptance of my powerlessness are key components in dealing with health or any other type of problems. It means choosing NOT to use my food escape hatch, and showing up moment after moment with a willingness to stay in the present no matter what. I can’t believe in the God with long white hair and x ray vision who favors some people over others. I do believe He resides in all of us in a world beyond appearances. Certainly, there is much that cannot be experienced, touched or known simply by sight. I do believe – because of the special gifts I experienced - that this world beyond appearances does exist. It is as real as a chair, a book or a dish. If God is love, than the only definition of God that makes any sense is one that uses this human life and its suffering – the very things we believe we need to fix – as a path to the heart of love itself. At some point it’s time to stop fighting with the reality of death, my hips and the “way things are”. It’s called surrendering to the will of God. Of this I am certain, a change occurs every time I stop fighting and surrender. It’s a special something… happening only when I STOP running my familiar programmed response tapes about my FEARS. It’s hard to describe what follows the surrender. But I know what it feels like…it feels like relief! It’s the serenity of knowing that God has been there all along in the sorrow of every ending and in the rapture of every beginning. For every chaotic upheaval, He leads us to those moments of peace.
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 01:48:32 +0000
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