Some great ways to annoy, harass, confuse, or generally scare Lord Voldemort. Also sure-fire ways to get yourself killed, or at least Cruciod round the block and back again. Ask him why he doesnt have such a cool scar. Call him The-Guy-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows. Remind him that he isnt even really alive. Ask him when he last took a bath. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again Play knock and run at his bedchamber door late at night. Ask him why the Dark Mark couldnt look like something more sociably acceptable. If you ever need to say Like taking candy from a baby, be sure to add: Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others. Stare pointedly at him. When he tries to impress you with his immense powers, say Awwwww, lookit, Voldies got a twiggle! Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like Youre the boss, boss or Its your funeral. Buy him eye drops for that dreadful redness. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic My sir, you look particularly menacing today. Taunt him about his middle name. Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent? Keep a good-behavior chart. Award points and give out gold stars. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. poof there poof gone poof there... Tell people hes really just a big softie. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harrys victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices. Did you ever even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever? Encourage him to think happy thoughts! Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling. Sign him up for yoga class. Insist it is to cleanse his soul. Buy him a stress ball. Hide his wand. Make him play the hot and cold game in order to get it back. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world. Call him Tommy-boy. If youre feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo. Be generally in awe of him and never look away. Whack him in the arm and say mosquito - every few minutes. If he asks you about his choice of robes, say he looked better under the turban. Begin any question you ask him with Riddle me this! Emphasize on Riddle. Imperio his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of All Things Bright And Beautiful. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colors and glitter. Throw him a Carebears-themed birthday party. Bake him a scar-shaped cake. Tell him what Snapes really up to. Politely exclaim now and again that you dont know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles. Tell him his plastic surgeon did a terrible job with the red-eyed snake look, and that he shouldve had the self confidence to age gracefully. Tell him you know this great therapist in London.... Ask him if hes sure the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isnt getting a bit old? Tell him Lucius did it. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty. When hes done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that? Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of that sweet, innocent, cute little boy. Ask him why hes afraid of an old man who looks like Santa Claus and why he cant fight babies. Cuddle him at random moments. Tell him that noses are back in style. Call him Champ or Tiger, refer to yourself as Coach. Ask him where he gets his garlic scented soap. Ask him to dye Easter eggs with you. Accidentally schedule him a haircut When he gives you an order, stare blankly at him and drool. On the next Valentines Day, decorate his lair. Make sure the decorations are pink and frilly. Be offended by everything he says. Trade in his black robes for bunny feet pajamas. Be Harry Potter. Be Alive.
Posted on: Fri, 14 Nov 2014 02:14:02 +0000
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