Some of you have been wondering what is going on with me. First off, let me say that it is not directly the cancer, it has not returned at this time and I pray that it does not. Next, sometimes things just need time to hit home and I have reached that point. For the past few months, I have been feeling a bit down, actually outright depressed. I was hoping that it would ease up a bit and that I could actually kick myself out of it. However, the opposite has been happening. The depression has worsened and I am now beginning to experience panic attacks and I feel dead emotionally. As many of you know that is not like me at all, I pride myself on being a rather emotional creature. I have learned over the years to embrace my emotions. Right now, I think that I have killed them off. Anyway, I have been trying to get an appointment with a therapist but I have not been able to get anything sooner than January. At first, I accepted that I would have to wait but realized (when things were getting worse and I was feeling darker) that I should not wait. Friday I decided to go to Strong’s ER and see if they would be able to push me into an appointment sooner. Once there they determined that I should go to their psychiatric crisis ER department for evaluation. It took us (my faithful husband was with me) 23 hours to see the psychiatrist. Through mutual decision making (myself, the doc, and my hubby) it was determined that I would go through their partial hospitalization program. It is an intensive therapy program (with med monitoring) but I am allowed to go home each night and weekends are free. I begin this on Thursday, unless an appointment opens up sooner. Not sure if this is going to be received well by certain people but I remain to be an open book. Those of you who know me and truly love me will stay by me regardless, others may be disgusted and think I am weak and that is ok since this is my wall (if you don’t like what I post or who I am then why are you on my Facebook?). I have been told that to be strong is to admit when you are weak. Well folks I must be pretty damn strong then cause I feel pretty weak right now. Thank you for hanging with me and all of your support and love, I truly appreciate each one of you.
Posted on: Mon, 08 Dec 2014 00:53:22 +0000
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