Some recent events made me realize that I have a very morbid view of death. Ive seem to have lost compassion and sympathy when it comes to it. Ive numb myself so I wont be affected by it. Is this a good thing.... or bad. I guess I cant be happy go lucky about everything (cause that would just make me extremely weird). Maybe its the balance that Ive created for myself. Here I am, a person who many say lights up a room, puts a smile on your face, makes moshing look good and other typical phrases people use to describe an insanely optimistic/positive person. Yet ask me about certain topics and Ill present you a very morbid, twisted, and scary viewpoint that you would never expect. I feel like I tend to be a person of duality, many of us say that, but I honestly believe Im capable of treading the true line of duality. Sometimes I think I may have acute bi-Polarism on how extreme my range of views/emotions/responses can be. Or even how centered I sometimes feel in chaos. I can be an extremely shallow person which Im proud and not proud of. Im also one of the most committed, loyal, passionate, and loving person you meet. Why so indecisive? Is my indecisiveness so extreme, thats why I feel like I can fit in anywhere because I cant commit to one personality trait, group of people, thought, movement, etc? Now, my question is will I find that person who understands me? Or will it be the person who understands me the most? Just a glimpse of my train of thought. (This post is more of me kinda writing down whats going on in my nogging, Its not here to recieve sympathy responses, sorry for the harshness, Im just using this as a medium to express whats currently rattling in this brain)
Posted on: Fri, 12 Sep 2014 00:39:34 +0000
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