Some things just catch me totally off guard ... Day in day out we put up a kind of shield or a filter ... Im really not sure what to call it ! Every single moment of every day has triggers...Something you see, smell, go to do, hear, something we had planned of doing together, a toy on TV or in a catalogue or another child is playing with that I had earmarked in my mind to buy when hes older... The list goes on... When i head out I know Im going to see children and wish our boy was with me, in a group of women the conversation inevitably involves discussion about family, or kids one way or another.. Its normal its all perfectly normal !!! Its life... I can only hide from it so much, i dont want people to act differently around me, I cant block it all out ... And in many ways I dont want to block it out, I love children,I love all our memories of Blake, I love the plans we had made, the ideas of how we were going to do things, where our new little family was headed... All that said .. Things catch me off guard and knock the wind out of my sails ... Things come from left field ... Things I havent braced myself for ... Today I had a call from Ambulance Victoria, time to renew our cover .. I must have paid 2 yrs last time, so as my details were being checked it hit me !!! We didnt need family cover, they had to take Blake off our details.. Its just 2 of us not 3 !!! Needless to say that was a very difficult phone call... Also last night I had to order more contact lenses ... Sounds straight forward, Ive ordered them online before through the same company .. All was fine until it retrieved my details ... The last postal address was Parkville !!! Ronald McDonald House near RCH ... I wasnt even thinking about that till it was on the screen in front of me... Again that one caught me off guard ... So my friends when you ever think to yourself that you shouldnt mention or talk about a child someone has lost because you dont want to remind them...You cant and you wont ever remind them ... Because we never forget, its never far from the front of our thoughts ... And if the person is anything like us .. We appreciate that you care enough to speak their name.. Even when you see those tears flow from our eyes .. They are tears of love.. Sorrow and love xxx
Posted on: Tue, 09 Dec 2014 11:28:21 +0000
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