Some things that have been under wraps: Good, Bad and Ugly: 1: I tripped and fell into something a month ago today, and am very lucky to have done so. 2: I DID NOT get general scholarship to my college, which made me feel kind of stupid, but then I realized, on my own, for the first time, that I WAS PROUD OF MYSELF even still, and not being accepted did not mean I wasnt killing it in school or worthless as a person. 3: My mom had what we thought at the time to be a stroke about a week ago. She has now been cleared of a stroke, but has been confirmed to have Muscular Sclerosis, what they believe to be early onset Parkinsons disease, and a laceration on her brain. Currently, she is out of the hospital in NH for testing in Boston to confirm/deny Parkinsons and determine if brain surgery is a necessary option. Im scared, which is hard to admit. 4: My newly born niece still cant breathe on her own, and now, my sisters husband who has been mucho supportive, is being sent as one of the 300 special ops trainers to Iraq. This leaves her all alone and Im worried about both her and my nieces health. Havent even met her yet. 5: Im learning things about myself a lot these days. Ive realized that I have been stuck in a negative self-thought pattern that was engrained inside of me before I could even form my own thoughts. It was perpetuated by a never ending shit cycle called adolescence and grew as I grew father from myself and began buying into the lie. I have begun to accept myself and question the certainties passed own to me like heirlooms. 6: I am not broken. 7: Sometimes I really envy other peoples family dynamics, and am recently allowing myself to feel that resentment without regretfulness. This has been part of 8... 8: Im beginning to see my relationships with others more clearly, and ditch the sea-saw friendships. The ones that raise themselves up by keeping your ass in the dirt. Its so weird feeling alone with so many friends, like drowning in a sea of people that dont see you. Im beginning to realize that I have been used, and have used others, and thats ok because we are only human, and humans are selfish. What I can do, is change my relation and thought process and hope for realness. 9: Not even my closest friends really know me, or where I have been. 10: Im terrified of leaving school soon......Scared to grow up. 11: Fear is what drives me.
Posted on: Thu, 10 Jul 2014 23:34:28 +0000
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