Someone asked me how to win the texting game with a guy who she felt has been routinely responding slowly to her texts... Heres my response... (not proofread as usual): Honestly, theres no winning if you view things through the lens that its a game in the first place... Whether or not its intentional is something youd never be able to know, so its in your best interest to believe its not (and if it is, that its because of some fear or issue they have and not that theyre trying to manipulate you)... A huge factor in having good relationships is finding a way to move through the world and relationships that doesnt activate your defenses... As in: Hes doing this to me / against me, so I need to counteract what hes doing to me and win... Theres no winning/losing in relationships... if things go through that mental filter, it is always going to be a loss in the long run... In short, isolated examinations of events, it can have the appearance of gaining or losing ground... but in the long term, it always results in guardedness, resentment and withholding... and if thats what characterizes the relationship, then theres no win in that... thats no relationship, thats a battle of wills which, at best, can only offer a never ending cycle of stress and relief. The best way to relate to people is to allow them the space to be how they are and find a way you can accept them and relate to them where they actually are... Not how youd like them to be... Not how you wish they were... And definitely not how you think they should be acting... You can do this with compassion in your heart... if you can accept them (and not view them through a lens that theyre doing something to/against you), then youll actually be able to relate to people without guardedness *and* without positioning yourself in a way that could lead to you feeling hurt, resentful, taken advantage of, rejected, etc. Simple, but not easy. It requires a shift. And... as with everything I say... the most important factor is your sense of peace, happiness and OK-ness in your life in general. If you feel like youre life is very unhappy, relationships can become extremely difficult. Believe me, when Im feeling depressed/upset/heartbroken, etc. I manage to leave a spectacular wake of destruction behind me, which only leads to further regret and unhappiness... and I know better -- but a large part of what leads to a good relationship isnt how much we know but how we feel. So if theres anything you can do to raise your spirits and love life (rather than to get absorbed into a downward spiral about whats happening with a particular person in your life), then *that* is where you want to orient your attention. Create space in your life, find a way to wake up from the absorption in whatever negative feelings you might be having about your situation and then fill that space with happiness. And in the meantime, you can hope that the other person comes around without needing them to make or break your mood.
Posted on: Thu, 06 Nov 2014 02:54:37 +0000
Trending Topics
© 2015