Still waters run deep and wide. No one knows all of anyone elses secrets. Sometimes silence is the only reaction that can be managed as reflection and a deeper understanding are needed - a knee jerk reaction is not a wise option. That deep dark chocolate side is sometimes the loudest voice inside and sometimes it takes control for a time. Not everyone understands or knows how to deal with this but knowing from the inside out I can empathize and see how this behavior can be misconstrued as disinterest, uncaring and self absorbed. I can assure you those interpretations are FALSE. I am a lot of things including complex, dark and mysterious which is not everyones cup of tea, I can get that. I have many layers, the outer layers are outgoing, engaging, confident and fun to be around. As the relationship deepens I open up to reveal my less desirable qualities - these are the levels where most people jump ship. Then after much time and baby steps of sharin, is where you get all of me - the good, the bad and the ugly. Truth be told not many have made it to this level. But it has taken time and many self testing situations, hard conversations and soul crushing realizations to become comfortable and accepting of myself. Call it a mid - life crisis or a shakabuku but my details are in my fabric and I carry the scars upon my heart. I assume even the most open and transparent person has these same eccentricities in some small degree and I appreciate their experience and perspective even if I dont know or understand it. I am not typical, and challenging to any balance, for sure. My history and experiences have shaped the beautiful disaster you see before you - by not definition, but by accumulation. And include the same by those around me - I take in a part of your demons, joys and everything in between. I put this out there as an insight to a quiet non - reactive person. It is only my perspective and is given to help those of you who have someone like me in your life. We are frustrating, irritating and guarded. Are we, or am I, worth all the trouble and extra effort? That is not for me to say. After all this what I can say is that we all have dark times and some stick with us permanently which alter us. I have in spite of myself become a happy person with scars that remain just below the surface. But I am stronger than I realize and I am seeing the good and positive in everything and everyone. I am at all times wishing all those who have touched my life in positive or negative ways good things as without this forgiveness in my heart I would succumb to the darkness thus losing myself and I AM NOT willing to do that any longer. I love people who say what they want whenever they want without apology and without malice, I wish I could be like that - but I am not there yet, maybe someday. The changes in myself may seem mininal to you but have been monumental to me and strive me to keep moving in this new direction. I wish you love and peace and give you huge kudos for even attempting to get through these open mic ramblings.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 19:17:55 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015