Stout Mamas alter ego (aka Sibyl James) is trying to seduce you all into ordering The Further Adventures of Stout Mama. Heres a sample: Surfing the Personals Attention, ladies, announces the bold print in the local weekly newspaper, my tax accountant says marriage this year is a must. Its nearly midnight on a Thursday; the BBC has just signed off from its broadcast on the citys public radio station, and Stout Mama--at a loss for entertainment--is perusing the personals ads. Shes already dismissed the weeks feature ad as overly clever--an entry which focuses on portraying both the seeker and the sought as versions of the espresso drinks available in her caffeine-addicted city where cafes and sidewalk vendors have sprouted up on every corner. Tall skinny latte, the ad begins, in search of Americano with cream. Reading the personals ads, she knows, is an idle pursuit. Like her intellectual appetite, her romantic hungers are sparked by whatever smacks of mystery and unpredictability; shes not interested in potential lovers that she can immediately classify like a lepidopterist inserting the pin in just one more common specimen. But the composers of these ads lack curiosity, have never dreamt of netting some rare species. Instead, any one of these supplicants for relationships could find solace in the others; they are all apparently a perfect match, each professing a love of firelight, good wine, sunset walks--hand in hand--on some beach. All of them claim to be intelligent, humorous, and HWP (which the papers guide to personals acronyms defines as height/weight proportional). None of the women admits to experiencing PMS (an acronym not listed in the guide). None of the men confesses that he has just invested heavily in the newly marketed testosterone patch, a little bit of medical high-tech macho that you slap against your skin, ensuring that even if you dont throw down a gantlet to initiate a duel, youll at least cut off the other drivers on the freeway. Stout Mama envisions the promotional headlines: The Testosterone Patch. Dont Leave Home Without It. (Want to know what happens next? Just order The Further Adventures of Stout Mama on Amazon. A great bargain at only $8.)
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 04:25:33 +0000
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