Support for Caregivers & Their Loved Ones Communication When you are given new information about your health status or receive a diagnosis for cancer, who are the people in your intimate circle and community of support that you consider sharing this news with? And how do you wish to share it? In person? By phone? Via email? These are very personal decisions, and yet, in the shock and overwhelm of hearing life-changing news, they do not always receive the consideration they deserve. Some people ‘blurt’ the news out to everyone they know and may even tell some folks they don’t know; others protect the news very carefully and share it sparingly. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to handle this kind of news sharing; it is as individual as those it impacts. For loved ones of those with a new diagnosis or health issue, the news can be equally stunning and the ways it gets communicated can follow similar pathways. Everyone seems to find their own best way to manage both the initial news and ongoing health updates. There is help available at HCBHP for support people as well as those affected directly by a new diagnosis or recurrence. Some thoughts and ideas to consider as this process unfolds… What information do you want to share and with whom? Do you want to limit sharing your news with your spouse, partner, significant other? Immediate family? Friends, close and/or casual? Neighbors? Coworkers and Colleagues? Professional organizations to which you belong? Others? There is no obligation to share news or divulge information that you would prefer to keep private. It is fine to say, “Thank you for your concern; I would rather not talk about that”, then change the subject or ask the person a question about an unrelated matter. What limits might you want to place on those you do tell, in terms of those with whom they share it? Most people choose to share this kind of news with their spouse or partner, yet some do not want it to be shared by their significant other with anyone else…this requires an awareness, followed by a thoughtful conversation, so that both people get their needs met for privacy and/or support in the face of such news. And don’t assume that family members, friends, and others understand your current and ongoing needs for privacy vs. public information available…again, you get to decide and perhaps can utilize the help of other trusted intimates to be the ‘hub’ or ‘point person’ of communication. If you are beginning a treatment or having a procedure for your health condition, consider asking one trusted person in each of your social groups—at your workplace, in your school, church or temple—to be the point person for sharing information about you with others. This friend can also convey whether you want visitors, emails, phone calls, voice mail messages, a nice card in the mail or simply, warmest thoughts. It can be helpful to consider where you perceive yourself on the continuum of “very private person” to “very public person”…as well as your significant other(s) and family members…as this can impact each person in the family and community constellation in unnecessarily burdensome ways. It is enough to deal with a change in health status personally, much less trying to keep up with how family members are coping with it. It becomes a tricky balance to share your news and not feel like you need to emotionally support each person you tell. Family members and friends can opt to protect your news with a line like this: “I will convey your thoughtful concern; this is not my story to tell.” There are websites available for sharing news and requesting specific help and support: caringbridge.org, carecalendar.org, lotsahelpinghelps and mylifeline.org; this can be updated by a designated friend or family member. Stay tuned for next week: Transportation
Posted on: Thu, 12 Jun 2014 21:54:56 +0000
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