Sutra on Anger and Fear Life is scary, so we are naturally afraid. Fear is normal. Evolution has prepared us to be afraid, to be somewhat paranoid and on guard. Defensiveness is normal, even necessary (up to a point). But paranoia and defensiveness divide “what is” into “self ” and “other.” This self-other division gives rise first to fear and then to anger. This self-other dualism, for all intents and purposes, is inevitable and, thus, normal. Yet, as a species, we are safer than ever: The saber-toothed tigers have alldied out. Thus, most of what we fear is symbolic threats, “paper tigers.” Fear of symbolic threats is normal. Anger is the flipside of the fear coin, the “fight” part of the flight-or-fight self-defense system. Anger is a form of self-defense; it is fear based. Anger is a response to fear, a response to a perceived or real threat. Anger is normal. Anger feels like fearlessness, but it isn’t. The fearlessness of anger is misleading: Anger is fear based. We are not just afraid of what’s outside; we are also afraid of what’s inside. We are afraid of our own feelings. We are afraid of being afraid. Anger is a release of all these fears. Anger is a consolidation of a feeling of fear into action, the beginning of an escape from “what is.” When faced with real threats, anger is a legitimate self-defense solution. Anger, just like fear, is an impulse to run, just in the opposite direction. But even if you are running toward the threat (to confront it), running is running. When faced with symbolic threats (threats to our ego, to how we are seen or thought about), we also have the impulse to run—to run away from others’ thoughts about us or from our thoughts about others’ thoughts about us. We feel threatened by disregard, disrespect, and disapproval, so our fearful egos act out by getting angry at others. The solution to this kind of anger is to stay with the fear (of the symbolic, because the symbolic is safe). Only by staying with the fear do we learn not to be afraid of being afraid. Fear itself, the feeling of fear (be it of the real or of the symbolic), is safe. Fear of fear is normal, but so is nonfear of fear. When you are not afraid of being afraid, you don’t need anger. Anger isn’t a tool for dealing with ego threats; it’s a tool for dealing with bodily threats. Fear passes, anger passes, fear of fear passes, anger about anger passes. There’s never been a feeling (or a mind state) that didn’t eventually go away. Ultimately, because all feelings pass, there is absolutely nothing to do but to witness “whatever is” transform into “whatever was.” Staying with “what is” is the true fearlessness. - adapted from Anger Management Jumpstart, Somov, 2013 pavelsomov
Posted on: Sun, 07 Dec 2014 16:40:04 +0000
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