TAKE A SEAT. THIS IS A LONG ONE, FRIENDS! LOL!!! This is kind of a messy, emotional post from my personal page that I posted yesterday. Im sharing it on XANs FANS not for sympathy or to make things about me but because my boys are my life... And, I just want to do the very best that I can to give them the best quality of life I possibly can for as long as Im blest to have them. I am not perfect by a long shot... Ive made many, many mistakes... ill be the first to admit that. But, somehow - through what I have come to believe can only be through Gods grace and the prayers of others (because there have been many many times along this journey than I quit praying for periods of time because I havent even known what to pray for - thats as real as I can be, my friends!) - I have always managed up to this point to get my boys and I back on track when we veered astray and to #staythecourse even when I really just wanted to lay down and die. In many ways it feels as though my little super hero always had a plan for something bigger when he wanted to become famous. Last year in The Childrens Institute he spoke about if he wasnt around anymore one day wanting to make sure his FANS would still love his mom and brothers long after he is gone... I really cant type all the details of this conversation right now... Although I think Ive come a LONG way since this page got started in the whole opening up thing - those of you here from the beginning may recall that openly sharing has never come easy to me... online, or anywhere... as a single mom, and really long before that, Ive always just taken care of things and moved forward. but, I digress. The point Im making is that it isnt always as easy as people think to say out loud or to type in black and white the agony and pain of watching your baby... slip away. And, not knowing why... in the beginning not even being able to prove it... people thought i was crazy (many still do! lol) ... and, most of all, trying trying trying and still not being able to change it!!! sometimes reading the words in black and white is too much... actually, all the time!! there are details I just cant speak of... things that happen with my baby that for his own dignity and my own sanity - must remain in our family. And, I am so grateful and appreciative to those of you who understand and respect this... and, continue to support and love and remain on this journey with us. All this time that Ive been doing this on my own... and, then suddenly, I have hit a wall where I seriously dont know how to #presson without help. Maybe that is the lesson that I have been needing to learn all along. With a masters degree in counseling and WAY before that... Im a strong believer that none of us are made to walk it alone and we all need a helping hand and it is when we stay in our own head and go at it on our own that things become unbearable... yet, Im the first one who doesnt want to burden anyone else, doesnt want to be a burden, wants to take care of it and get through it without anyone else...I dont think I was always that way... but, I might have some valid reasons to have a few trust issues, too!!! lol!!!! Anyway, Im rambling... the most I ever ever... to thousands of people... on the internet. And, Im not even going to go back and reread this... because ill delete it!! Please just know that we are so grateful for your encouragement and support... we are NOT asking for money at all ever... we are NOT asking for anything other than for you to please like XANs FANS page and ask others to do the same... this page was set up to help my baby boy reach his goal of getting one million FANS... that remains the number one objective... along the way many of you amazing people have reached out and asked about ways to do more and have shown so much genuine care and concern for our family that yall have become a part of our lives and we are so grateful to and for each and every one of you for that!!! #xansfans #teammoses #alwaysdarkestbeforethedawn
Posted on: Thu, 16 Oct 2014 16:40:31 +0000
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