THE FLIGHT OF THE COCKROACH IF YOU HAVE EVER LIVED IN NORTH CAROLINA AROUND LIVE OAK TREES YOU WILL KNOW ABOUT THE HUGE COCKROACHES THAT LIVE IN THE LEAF LITTER . THEY OWN THE NIGHT , RUNNING WILD LOOKING FOR FOOD AND SCARING THE HELL OUTA FULLY GROWN PEOPLE . I PICK UP PING AT 8.30 PM EVERY NIGHT AT HER JOB AT THE TSUMAMI BUFFET . LAST NIGHT WE GOT HOME ABOUT 8.40 PM AND I SWITCHED ON THE TV TO WATCH A SHOW ON HBO , PING MADE ME A LITTLE NOSH AND I SETTLED BACK ON THE COUCH TO ENJOY THE REST OF THE EVENING . JUST AS I WAS GETTING READY TO BITE DOWN ON A FRIED WONTON , I SPOTTED A HUGE ROACH SNEAKING ALONG THE WALL TOWARDS ME . I JUMPED UP AN TRIED TO STEP ON IT WHILE IT DARTED AND DASHED ALL AROUND MY DANCING FEET , IT RAN UNDER THE COUCH, SO I RAN FOR THE BUG SPRAY , I SHOT A QUICK SPRAY UNDER THE COUCH AND SETTLED BACK DOWN TO WATCH MY SHOW AND EAT MY TREATS . NOW AT THIS POINT I HAVE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFULL AROUND BUG SPRAYS . I LOST A LUNG IN 98 AND GOT C.P.O.D. IN 2010. SO THE OVERUSE CAN SEND ME INTO A COUGHING FIT THAT CAN BRING ME TO THE GROUND . JUST AFTER THE SHOW STARTED I HEARD A LOUD SOUND LIKE FLAPPING WINGS. I SAW SOMETHING LARGE FLY UP THE EDGE OF A PAINTING ON THE WALL . IT WAS THE ROACH , I YELLED FOR PING AND SHE CAME RUNNING WITH THE BUG SPRAY , SHE GOT THERE JUST AS HE DISAPPERED OVER A HALF WALL IN THE LIVING ROOM . NOTHING TO DO, CANT REACH HIM . SETTLED BACK AND A FEW MINS. LATER HE TOOK OFF AGAIN FLYING AROUND THE HOUSE LIKE A MOTH LANDING HERE AND THERE , WITH PING AND I IN HOT PURSUIT. NOW SHE IS STARTING TO SPRAY LIKE A GETTO ARTIST AND I CAN FEEL IT PUSHING THE AIR OUT OF MY LUNGS . I WAS YELLING AT HER TO STOP SPRAYING AND WE BOTH WERE CHASING THE BUG FROM HELL AROUND THE ROOM . FINALLY IT MADE A MISTAKE AND LANDED ON A SPOT WERE I SMASHED HIM WITH MY FLIP FLOP. I KNOW WE HAVE ALL CHASED BUGS AND HAD OTHER CRITTERS IN THE HOUSE THAT WE HAD TO DEAL WITH , BUT THIS WAS SO WIERD FOR ANOTHER REASON , IT HAD BEEN RAINING ON AND OFF ALL DAY HERE THE NIGHT I WENT TO PICK UP PING , IT WAS A NORMAL NIGHT , MAKE SURE THE HOUSE WAS CLEANED UP , DISHES DONE , LAUNDRY FOLDED , BED MAKE , THAT SORT OF THING . I LEFT THE HOUSE AT 8.15 PM , GIVES ME A FEW MINS EXTRA TIME FOR STOP LIGHTS . PULLED OUT ONTO THE WET ROAD AND MADE MY WAY TO HER JOB . I WAS ABOUT A MILE INTO THE DRIVE AND I WAS GOING THROUGH A STOP LIGHT AT A THREE WAY STOP , GOOD SOLID GREEN LIGHT , JUST CRUISED THROUGH AS ALWAYS , WENT ABOUT 100 YARDS AND WHAT THE HELL THERE WERE TWO MEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY CAR CROSSING THE ROAD IN MY LANE .NO TIME TO DO ANYTHING BUT SLAM ON THE BRAKES AND TRY AND MISSS THE GUY WHO WAS RIGHT INFRONT OF THE DRIVERS SIDE HEADLIGHT . I WAS ABLE TO CORRECT THE ANGLE AND I JUST SKINNED HIM ON THE DRIVERS SIDE , I HEARD A THUMP . I MISSED THE OTHER GUY BECAUSE HE BACKED AWAY . I SLAMMED IT INTO PARK AND GOT OUT SCREAMING , ARE YOU ALL RIGHT .. I WAS ABLE TO GET THE ONCOMMING TRAFFIC TO STOP AND I WAS AMAZED THAT THE OLD MAN WITH A CANE WAS STILL STANDING IN THE ROAD . HE SAID HE WAS OK AND HIS FRIEND SAID HE WAS OK TOO , I STOOD THERE . FINALLY ONE OF THE MEN TOLD ME I BETTER GET MY CAR OUT OF THE HIGHWAY AND THEY WENT BACK TO CROSSING THE ROAD . I GOT BACK IN MY CAR AND GOT IT ROLLING AGAIN . I HAVE HIT A FEW DEER IN MY MANY YEARS OF DRIVING AND I KNOW WHEN THAT MOMENT IN TIME HAPPENS WHEN YOU KNOW ITS GOING TO HAPPEN ,YOU ARE GOING TO HIT THAT DEER . THAT IS WHAT I WENT THROUGH LAST NIGHT , I KNEW I WAS GOIING TO HIT THOSE MEN , THEY WERE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME , I HAD TIME ONLY TO PANIC STOP AND STEER ONE TIME . I WAS GOING KILL THOSE MEN IN AN ACCIDENT . MY LIFE WAS GOING TO FALL INTO RUIN . BUT IT DIDNT HAPPEN , I MISSED THEM BY AND INCH. MY LIFE WAS NORMAL AGAIN , I WAS GOING TO PICK UP PING , I WAS GOING TO THE GYM TOMORROW , I WAS GOING TO GET MY NOSH AND WATCH MY SHOW . I DIDNT NOTICE THAT MY DRIVERS SIDE MIRROR WAS SLAMMED AGAINST THE CAR DOOR TILL I GOT HOME . THATS WAS THE THUMP I HEARD , I HIT HIM WITH MY MIRROR. THIS WAS ONE OF THE SCARIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE , THEN THE COCKROACH SHOWED UP .
Posted on: Mon, 08 Sep 2014 21:30:14 +0000
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