THIS IS A LONG ONE - Please read so you know about me! I really dont know how to feel about some things right now........ This week my husband of almost 20 years was shot and killed - September 25, 1995. His relatives believe I didnt love him and very rarely does anyone acknowledge his life! How sad for them, it is on their own assumptions and meaning of real love. No matter what our problems, Ive tried to leave that behind and remember the good. I am still alone after all this time (love ?) I still think of him and dream about him! He gave me the two most beautiful children ever conceived (every mothers belief!). Though they really are/were! I have tried my best to analyze what the problem is/was that we were excluded from the family, except for his closest brother, Rick. Life was almost unbearable from the loss and legal issues and trying to raise two teenagers on my own with NO family support there! I may never understand........ And then I lost my beautiful son, Randall (Randy) Jr. My daughter needed her wide open spaces and was living 3200 miles away....... I really was alone! Youd have to walk in those shoes to understand!! After my daughter came home she was embraced by that family and I am grateful for it - she may need them one day...... Yet she is half me!!! And I am VERY PROUD OF HER, IT WAS I SHE INHERITED HER STRENGTH AND INTEGRITY!!!!!! All her friends want to be like her because she is kind and giving no matter how ppl treat her! And then there is me, still not accepted for some reason...... I am not fake and I say what I think - yet I am kind and giving, AND FORGIVING!!!!! I have attended that families funerals because I felt in my heart it was the right thing to do! My brother passed away January 25, this year and I didnt even get so much as a call or even a msg of condolence! They were told. I found recently that someone was involved with a relative and I happened to know their family and several of the friends as well, so I befriended them and wrote a very short msg that it was ironic that they were involved and I knew the family - very good ppl. I logged on here today and was going through my friends to sync contacts and that person is gone. Apparently blocked me - so you can conclude that I was discussed and it was requested by the family member that this be done! So you see I am thought of as an outsider (but they embrace MY offspring! ACCEPTANCE IS THE ANSWER along with a great deal of HONESTY AND FORGIVENESS!!!!!! So today I accept that I am not embraced/loved by some and I forgive them for the hurt they have/do cause me!!! IN MY HEART I LOVE THEM ANYWAY (because thats what Jesus would do!)
Posted on: Tue, 23 Sep 2014 00:33:58 +0000
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