TITLE: Thug Life EPISODE: 30 THE ROCK: Na who get this slippers? Two thugs said as they walked in holding the slippers i left while chasing the dog. I was shaking because the ugly one was holding a machete while the pot belly one was holding a dagger like he was a labourer looking for holes to dig. My dickson was still standing tall like it wanted to be cut off, i tried to reduce it down but the dog meat i ate was giving me more energy so i was stranded, standing nakked with my meat lifted up. Na all of us thief the chicken Attai suddenly confessed when the cutlass was placed on his head. In my mind i was like, owh so no be only me dey theif dog, even Attai dey follow thief chicken, my mond calm down alittle when Attai increased my BP by adding Goat to the list of his crimes. For once i envied people with big head because they could store lots of information that others could not find. Na that boy thief the Dog Flow pointed at me. I hated him immediately I already planted my nitro legs to sprint off like a dog when they rushed me and placed the cutlass on my small head. So na you thief our dog abi? Em, i no theif am o, i give secondary school students make dem use am go WAEC Biology practicals i blurted out. I noticed Haruna was shifting back gentlely, he reached the gate and dashed out like a mad man. I almost laughed but The ugly guy wielding the cutlass place it on my head. Na wetin be your name he fired. Dog meat i shouted in my mind cus that was the only thing on my mind that moment, i had forgotten my name. He placed it On Flow who also forgot his, i wondered if the name of the cutlass was forget your name or so i thought. Oya make una dey do frog jump the dagger holding dude ordered. Since i had enough energy from eating Dog meat i quickly started frog jumping i fast as i could, Flow and Attai were busing claiming that they never knew what frog jump was. That means they did not school in Nigeria or did not even go to school at all, or maybe frog jump was called a different ame in the school they went to. After seven rounds of frog jump each Attai started displaying his talents he was realeasing hot particles of fart. Na who mess? The Big tummy dude asked. Na all of us Attai shouted. This one no be Tortoise and the birds story that he claimed his name was all of you, But since Attai new vowels since he saw the cutlass has changed to all of us, i corrected him. Na him o i shouted pointing at Attai. Oya stand up the told him. I imediately regreted helping Attai, because he was looking up while laughing at us. Oya make una go bring una phone they shouted at me and Flow. If that they said go and bring the remaining dog meat i would have shed hot tears but phone was theast thing on my agenda, it was just a Nokia 3310 phone tied with rubber band so i quickly dashed in to get it. They left with Attai, i thought they were going to share for him money, i was jealous. Kai na where those skufish boys i dey? Haruna suddenly rushed in after the boys had left. He was holding a big stick like he wanted to go and change light in transformer. Haruna you dey mad, so you leave us run abi? Flow said. No oga, me i no sabi run, i go for bush make i paihn am for stick, i sabi fight walahi, my fafa teach me fight He boasted. Flow just hissed and went to rest his aching leg, a knock on the gate startled us. We all ran and started frog jumping again as Haruna quickly joined us frantically. The gate opened and no other person but Attai came in, he was smiling gleefully, we were suprised how he escaped those thugs without any harm to him. Attai na your spirit? Flow shouted. No touch am, make i go chop Dog meat to clear my eyes i shouted and sprinted inside to go eat my remaining meat because Legend has it that when you see dogs barking in the night with no one in sight that means its a ghost coming. I ate the dogs eyes and ran outside, Attai was still standing well and hearty, for the first time i loved him and went to embraced him. Attai, how come na? Haruna asked. Na who saw my mess no suppose get grammy award? Attai shouted and we realised that his Anus had done it again. It had saved Attais big head from cutting off, i loved Attai for the second time. We need phone, Attai, them don collect me and Flow own I told Attai when he was through with boasting about the physical and and environmental and physcological effect of mess as a nuclear weapon. If ony Attai was GEJ, mess would have been the main subject of fucos in ASUU strike, if he was the Chief of army staff, they would have been producing Fart bomb which would have beeb used to neutralise Boko haram. Na wetin concern me with una phone, as far as my own still dey, e no concern me Attai foolishly answered, Flow gave him a you dey mad abi look while Attai nod his head happily. What of if Alhaji calls us for work? Flow said. Attai froze as he had Alhaji name, he immediately came to his senses. Na true o, oya i know one place wey phone cheap Haruna said. Haruna described the name of the place for us as we scrambled inside to dress up. Flow trousers were already laughing under while My iron man hand turned to a dangling rubber ring, i wore my trousers and came out. Flow was warming the car while Attai was already sitting in the passengers corner, i quickly opened the back door and sat it. Flow you wan finish the fuel, since you just dey pump the accelerator, abi you don paralyse Attai shouted. Na your papa paralyse, you hear? You don forget say i don do seven rounds of frog jump, no strenght remain again. I no fit match clucth hold am self Flow complained. As Attai threw his own big head forward and smiled. So you wey dey claim to drive trailer before after twenty press up and fifty frog jump from soldiers nas common motor you know fit drive abi? Attai shouted at Flow, i was at the back seat enjoying the quarrel. Na you craze pass, this one resemble Trailer, oya go bring trailermake we see if i no go drive am Flow said angrily. abeg shift make i show you say i be big boy, odeshi number one Attai boasted, the exchange sides and Attai began pumping the car better than before, he could not even stop again. Na wetin dey worry una, abi una brain driver license don expire? I yabbed at the as they both looked at me and looked back at theirselves and winked. I knew i was in a big shit. Uduak, i think say you be dog meat chopper? Attai asked. Ehen so what, i dey chop woman dog, mad dog, male dog, pikin dog, sick dog, wetin come happen i boasted. Since you dey chop all this dogs you go sabi drive car abi? Nawao, since wey dem born me na only wheel barrow i don drive o, i fit even push five people inside wheel barrow with one hand, except una one die make we dey go na i said. Na your dog meat go die, today no phone be that Flow shouted. Oga this one na small thing na, una no know am for flenty driver? Haruna who had been watching us said. Haruna you know well, so here na motor garage wey all of us go carru one car each i shouted at the dumb hausa man. Nooo, no be like that walahi, this one all of una i go ride am for this car, for the front, one person i go control am for steering, one person control am for light and trafficator while the other person i go control am for accelerator, break and clutch Haruna adviced. The advice made a lot of sense so we set forth to business, Flow quickly grabbed the steering. Na me go drive he said. I wanted running for the control but Attai used his big head to chance me, he sat next to Flow, i was left with the accelerator job. Attai, make sure you no mess o i shouted before squeezing myself under their legs. Flow started the key, Attai put gear while i held clutch and then i accelerated forward. Haruna quickly ran from the gate because we were coming direct to him, I quickly held the brakes before we turned him to a paralythic. Maybe in that condition he would have represented Nigeria in Goro eating cmpetition with dudes from Niger and sudan, he would have won or so i thought. Yeah, see cool breeze abeg, i like this kind job jare Attai shouted while horning at speeding bike men. His job was only to horn and change gear so he pretty rested, i was sweating like a christmas goat under while praying that the phone shop would be reached soon. Attai see Checkpoint o, oya Uduak hold clutch and brake make Attai remove gear before we near there Flow shouted but Attai was not hearing anything. His eyes were on the Police woman on duty who had big bossoms and arse. Pom pom pupupu I no wan hear Dagrin music abeg i shouted thinking that Attai wanted to put a song. The reality of his talented yansh bomb knocked me out of my senses, Attai had done it again, he had fart heavily in my mouth because of too much excitement of seeing a hot policewoman. Uduak catch brake o Flow shouted but it was too late. Attais mess had created earphones and mouthpiece on my ears and mouth, i was temporarily deaf and dumb. I stood up to take alittle air when i saw the police men scrambling for their lifes. Jeessssuusss my fatheeeerr my babeeeesss we all shouted as we hit the checkpoint bar. Watchout for episode 31
Posted on: Mon, 15 Dec 2014 18:23:46 +0000
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