TOP 10 WAYS TO GET FAMOUS. 1. Load your phone with enough airtime. It works two-way. You can play those stupid con-games like bonyeza, kanyakanya or identifying the ugly secret sound and win. All your exes will crawl out of their caves wanting you back. Alternatively, you can flood FM radio stations with nonsense calls. Case study: Wanjohi wa kigogoini, Jeremano wa taxi and big papa pumpin wakanai wakawaka.Alternative book appointment with gathoni muchomba in his kwiiturura programme on Saturday and create a horrific scene. 2. Go to tujuane and piss off the whole planet with your rudeness, stupidity and sluttiness. The internet people will call you all sort of names. But, yeah, you are already famous. Case study: Mirfat Musa, Eda Atieno and that cow on last evening’s 2nd date. 3. Witness. Hang around the highway or potential crime scene. Then pray an incident takes place and wait for the media. As you give your version, use onamatopoeia as much as possible. Eg hiyo gali irikunja bio ikigamba papapapapapapappapap¬apa arafu nikaskia du! Case study, bonoko and jose the witnesser. 4. Nudism. There are people’s daughters who do this for a living. I would not advise you to do this either because of your excess fat, abnormal hair overgrowth and stretchmarks. So DONT do it. Case study: Fuddah Monroe and Verrah Sidika. 5. Scandals. Trust me you will get front page appearance. Have some rumours spreading around that you are a member of Illuminatti. But please avoid dating prominent people’s wives; it doesn’t end well. Case study, Namba nane, Oguda. 6. Stupidity. Do something that will make you look abnormally retarded. For example, get another man and sign an agreement to marry one woman. The downside is that you may lose your job and have your entire clan disown you like that kao guy from Coast. 6. Music. Start making noise in the name of music. Rap about anything with stupid rhymes such as nilienda kwa aunty nikavaa patipati nikafungua kabati nikakula machapati pamoja na colgate nikasema asanti blah blah blah. Wear metals and dog chains too. Case study, they are all over asking the gov’t to support the ‘industry’. 7. Join politics. Whether you fail miserably or not, you will have been felt. To remain relevant make up all forms of weird statements. Case study, Kingwa Kamencu. Mwalimu dida. 8. ‘Start’ your own church. If you feel you are not noticed in your normal place, leave with a few sheep. Go buy a tent, chairs, plastic flowers, p.a system and off you go. Come up with a strange name such as Reformed Finger of the Helicopter Fire and Brimstone Miracle Ministries. Give yourself a fancy title like Apostle Doctor Bishop Deacon Evangelist Honourable prophet victor kanyari the last prophet remaining in town. Case study: kwanza panda mbegu ya 7,777 nikutajie wote. 9. Invention and science. This is only for those who were good in Physics and Chemistry. You can make a helicopter using pieces of cloth and motor of kitchen blender. Then complain when Aviation refuses to licence your ‘airplane’. Or invent a cure for stupidity. Case study: Wamukima,githung’a-wamukima is the famous medicine man of kanyenyaini and uncle to Magochi l.10. Die. They will come to your burial and sing praises for you. You will be worshipped and glorified. All your debts will be cancelled. Ofcourse you will be wearing expensive clothes you couldn’t afford when you were alive. Case study: Ask fr Sammy the theologian kanyenyaini catholic parish.. He has several examples. ALL INSULTS ARE WELCOME.ADD WAYS TO BE Famous.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:01:37 +0000
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