Ten things Ive learned from facebook: 1. Ive learned that my IQ is 132. But sometimes its 120, 124, 122 and 110. 110? WTF! I like 132 the best. 2. Ive learned that my celebrity lookalike is Chris Pratt. Awesome and accurate! But its also Fred Durst. Fred Durst? This celebrity lookalike app is a sham. 3. Ive learned that the like feature has become life affirming (at least for me), but its also kind of like a book-mark of sorts. For example, if youre out somewhere and you want to go back and read something or watch something, you like it, and its saved for you when you get back home. Otherwise, its sometimes impossible to find. Whats that about? 4. Speaking of which, Ive learned that you have to ration out the likes. This is especially the case when liking those pictures of beautiful women. When it comes to that, you should probably like one out of every four or so, so you dont come off as a creepy liker. 5. Speaking of beautiful women, there are a lot of them on my facebook page (naturally), and many of them are either models or could be models. And because of that, Ive become an expert of sorts on who looks good in green, who looks good in blue, who looks good in purple, etc, etc. I seriously could get hired as a fashion consultant now. (Thats right, I like looking at pretty women. Sue me. Do little kids not like playing in the toy section? Do grandmothers not coo at the sight of toddlers?) 6. Ive learned that, despite facebook making everyones birthday known (if they so choose), my gift of remembering birthdays is still something that impresses at parties. 7. Because of social media in general, Ive learned that you cant just go on facebook and talk about that date you just had. Why? Because your love interest is stalking you if you two havent become friends already. (Fair enough, Im stalking her, too. Who is that guy in the picture with her? I hope thats her brother.) I used to status update about my dates, but now, thats one good way to not ever date that person again.......Seriously, I should get married. Im 42. Its not like Im George Clooney (although, that would be totally awesome, and I certainly would hold off on getting married for sure). 8. I have a lot of teacher friends, and Ive learned that they dont do social media much. Cant blame them. All it takes is one misunderstood like to be that guy on the news whos walking in shackles with his hands covering his face. 9. Speaking of which, Ive learned to screen my friends requests. Are you 18 and out of school? No. Then Im not friending you, and Im not buying you beer either. (Chris Hansen aint surprising me in some kitchen.) 10. Ive learned that a lot of my friends go on vacation A LOT. Damn, I really suck. Im jealous. (But at least I now know what color bikini looks best on some of them.) Bonus: No matter how many sports blogs I write, Im never going to be able to compete with a picture or video of someones cat.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 14:12:30 +0000
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