Thank you, thank you, thank you to all the supporters of my polar plunge. Our Ambit Energy team raised over $17, 000 this year and well over $50,000 in the past five years. A big shout out to my 7 year old daughter Rachael for plunging with me. Now I fully support this great cause, but in the future I will be writing a check!! One cant even begin to image what total submersion into 50 degree water does to a human body. The rules state that participants must at least put one toe in the water and I was planning on this until my largest contributor said that he would be expecting a complete refund for anything short of complete submersion! Please note Seal Team Six in the second picture. They were there to resuscitate people. There were several ambulances and EMTs on scene. I now know why. As you begin jogging into the water, your legs go numb so quickly that you think to yourself; This isnt so bad However, the instant your body touches the water, a million reactions occur all at the same time. Most notably was the complete lack of an ability to breath. I mean nothing. Simultaneously I lost all motor skills. As I fought to get up, all my legs and arms did was flail around like I had no control over them. Thats when my son heard someone yell Free Willy. It was at this point that I believe I lost consciousness. I dont remember how I got to the standing position, but when I came back to, I remember hearing myself first. It was an escalating higher pitch as each gasp violently escaped my heaving chest. Never allowing an exhale, just continued -machine gun type- gasps in a very feminine tone. One observer thought I was having a seizure. As I continued to fight for oxygen, I became disoriented from the hundreds of sharp needles being plunged into my scalp. Due to my confusion I chose to aggressively slap my baldhead with an arm I had not yet fully regained control of. Thats when I realized that the needle-like feelings were below the surface and the top of the head was as numb as Novocain. The slap/punch jarred me back to the fact that everything was black. As I remembered to open my eyes I was greeted by the sight of 3 of the seal team six guys bent over, pointing and laughing hysterically. I thought this was rather unprofessional of them. Apparently I had been crying out to Jesus during my blackout. Fortunately the camera cut away from these guys just prior to their performance in the accompanying video. As I limped back to shore (its alarmingly difficult to balance on what feels like sticks from the knees down) I once again lost control of my arms as they locked into the chicken wing position. An orifice had frozen shut and the resulting Charlie horse made even blinking difficult. My facial muscles had gone from mad spasms to frozen in a painful and awkward position. It was because of the distraction of my face that I didnt notice that the shirtless college hockey team had been released and were using me as a pinball. After bouncing off of several almost naked men, my left leg stumbled into a hole right up to mid thigh. The problem with the one-legger is that your other leg continues running in a circle up on the surface. After what seemed like 3 hours, I actually spun my way out and got very dizzy. Its been 5 hours since my plunge and I still have no feeling from the knees down. My chest continues to have violent contractions. The orifice feels like Ive done some hard prison time. Im pretty sure Im going to lose my toes. And speaking of losing things, Im pretty sure I left some things in the lake. When I arrived home and removed my bathing suit...well lets just say if I were a horse I would be a gelding. Still no sign of the missing items. At least this explains the little girl like screams that everyone had such a great time repeating. Rachael has yet to complain and has declined counseling.
Posted on: Sat, 08 Nov 2014 22:22:52 +0000
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