Thanks for all of the kind words of support over the last few weeks, as Ive begun facing all of the devastation caused by my relapse and the attendant dishonesty and horrific behavior. I really appreciate all of the support Ive had--even the silent support from people who I felt like abandoned me, but really have my best interest at heart. They know that my recovery will be stronger if they withhold support and encouragement from me and instead provide that support and encouragement to the people I hurt so profoundly. It will help them ensure that I am actually getting well and that I am doing it for me. Ive been unfair to those people by complaining publicly about their decision to cut off all contact with me. So I am publicly apologizing to them now (they may or may not have seen my complaint or will see this apology because many of them unfriended or blocked me but Im trying to use the same forum where I complained to apologize). I truly do apologize not only for all of the harm that I did during the relapse but also for suggesting that the people who no longer talk to me are somehow wrong for leaving me to get sober without their help. I finally realize that they are simply (a) protecting themselves from the damage I already did to them; (b) waiting to see by my actions that I am truly in recovery and not faking it this time (like I did during my relapse); (c) focusing on their own recovery; and/or (d) making sure that I am free from the distractions of relationships or friendships in this early part of the process of healing myself. It has never been fair for me to expect that they should have immediately welcomed me back into the fold just because I went to rehab and because I said things are different now. I am 100% sure that each of them will support my recovery journey when the time is right for them. I actually have finally learned to respect that. I cant change how they feel about me, and I dont even want to. I dont want them to support me just because I manipulated them into it by complaining. If I am serious about my recovery--and I am--then they will be able to judge when the time is right for them to reestablish friendships. With all of that being said, Ive decided to add one more element to my Lenten devotion. Im signing off of Facebook until Easter so that I have more time to work on me. Thanks again for all of your support. Good night.
Posted on: Fri, 28 Mar 2014 03:27:30 +0000
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