The Acorn From Your Interim Pastor— While your PNC continues searching for your next installed pastor, let’s continue our considera-tion of the relationship of pastor and church. Last month, I wrote to you about the stresses caused by a congregation’s expectations of the pastor and the pastor’s expectations of the church. This month, we branch out a little and consider the pastor’s family. What expectations do you have of the spouse and kids who may come with the pastor? What might they expect from you? Obviously, the happiness of a pastor’s family plays a big part in the pastor’s satisfaction in a position. So, caring for the family is every bit as important as caring for the pastor. But what can you, a church member, do about it? How can you help the new pastor’s family coming to Starr? Here are a few suggestions: - Give them time. The family will need time to adjust to a new situation. By the time your next pastor comes, you will have had a few years since your last installed pastoral rela-tionship and therefore had time to let go of that family and get ready to embrace a new one. For the pastor’s family, however, it may be very different. It may have only been a couple of weeks since their last Sunday with the former congregation. They will likely still be grieving and letting go of that relationship even while they begin their new relationship with you. - Remember that the pastor’s spouse is a volunteer, just like you. He or she has married a person who felt a call to be a pastor. That doesn’t mean the spouse felt called to be a minister’s husband or a minister’s wife. (In my own case, I wasn’t even planning to be a pastor when we married! Deanna married me, not a minister.) So, allow the spouse to take on activities that he or she feels called of God to do. Stop yourself if you hear your-self about to say: “The last minister’s wife ”. (You fill in the blank: “taught Sunday School,” “started a youth group,” “washed dishes after church dinners,” “played the piano,” “led devotions at the circle meetings,” etc.) - Also, let the minister’s children be who they are. Let them express their unique gifts, their talents, their interests, and their personalities in their own way. Let them contribute to congregational life in the way they feel led by God. Allow them the freedom your kids have. And don’t forget to let them know you appreciate whatever they decide to do. - Keep in mind that pastors’ kids sometimes struggle with their faith, just like every other Christian! In fact, pastors’ kids have some unique struggles. They may have been hurt by the remarks and attitudes of previous congregation members and have some healing to do. So, if they get angry, act out or show resentment, love them anyway. Teach them by your example what it means to love as Christ loves! In conclusion, let me say that you already have the most important ingredient for a beautiful relationship with your next pastor’s family: love. And that is what your pastor’s family will need most from you!
Posted on: Fri, 28 Jun 2013 01:55:26 +0000