The Back Hand I had a boxing match with a friend in high school. He was a year older than me, and I was a bit outmatched. Thankfully, he was just in it to have fun, and when he realized at the end that I was punch drunk, as evidenced by the fact that I was just standing there taking his punches without moving or hitting back, he stopped the match. Namely he stopped swinging. I guess he had nothing to prove by pounding me into the dirt. I only tagged him once the whole round, after trying to deliver my best Sunday punch, which he promptly dodged with a grin on his face (and I found more than a little annoying). I then found myself in position to deliver the only solid hit to the side of his face that I would be able to land. The backhanded swing that tagged him, which was actually a harder hit than my Sunday punch, left him with a nice bruise, and gave me the satisfaction of removing that annoying smile. One of the bystanders mentioned that he didnt know that backhands were a part of boxing. Being boys we really didnt care at the time, but it gave me an understanding of opportune moments and backhanded blows. Have you ever considered the complexity of the back handed compliment, or the back handed insult which would probably be a more accurate way of describing it. It can take many forms, and come from surprising sources for reasons that baffle the mind. Such “compliments” are often confusing to the recipient’s, and not because they lack intellect, but because they want to believe the best of what is said to them. A twisted compliment is duplicitous in nature for it is bound in deceit, and buried in a lie for the sake of amusement. However the devil laughs loudest at such things, for those who engage in wanton cruelty will experience the cruelty of keeping him company. I do not like cruelty, and I do not like cruel people, and it is my opinion that cruelty delivered from a velvet glove is the most vicious of all. Now one surprising back handed statement is the “Good Luck” blessing. Personally, I do not believe in luck, though some put great stock in random happenstance occurring in their favor. We have all been wished luck at one time or another. When we hear it from those whom we know love us, and only want the best for us, all they are saying is that they hope we succeed. On occasion, however, we find that it is delivered in an “you’re going to need all the luck you can get, because I don’t believe you’re going to make it/succeed in your endeavors manner”. When we hear this statement being delivered in such a manner it begs the response that “you can keep your luck for yourself, because you are going to need it more than I will.” A hard life lesson is that not every statement should be taken at face value. It takes a special kind of person to stand a compliment on its head and turn it into an insult, but some people are very talented. It seems strange to me however, that they often act as though the person they have given the back of their hand to has no clue as to the underlining meaning to their statements. They then strut about as though they have delivered wisdom of irredeemable value and crow to their friends about the awe-inspiring use of their rapier wit. I assure you, most people understand what you have stated to them, but have enough character not to respond in like manner. Cruel people depend on the willingness of good people to be a better class of person, so they can practice their vice at will. The oddest statements can be delivered via the back of the hand. From Chinese antiquity we have “May you live in interesting times” and “There is nothing more dangerous than a Lieutenant with a map and a compass” courtesy of the U.S. Army. You will hear statements such as “I like your singing better than I used to”, “You think you’re anointed when you’re up there don’t you”, and “You’re not anointed your just emotional”. The list goes on and on, of things stated to loved ones, to friends, and outright strangers. Back handed compliments are the recourse of the coward. They want you to know what they think, but they don’t want to be on the receiving end of the palm of the hand. Discipline and correction, even advice and council are delivered with an open palm. Mature Christians that are so struck do not wither, they do not die, they do not disappear, they do not go away, nor do they bury their heads in their pillows and cry, they do however, remember. Resentment, bitterness, and anger are unreasonable things. They burrow deep into the heart and mind and often are heaped upon the heads of the unsuspecting at the most inopportune times. When at the final judgment seat some who are lost will be lost because the roots of their bitterness were never dug out. Many take the approach that if you are lost it is your own fault, and that is true, but the offenders run the risk of becoming dismissive towards those they damage. When we damage people, then we damage them not just towards ourselves, but towards what we believe and represent. There is no excuse for rudeness, but there is also an attitude that some adopt that says “you can’t handle me,” or “you lack that special something that would enable you to deal with me, and that’s why you have a problem.” This has the benefit of making the effects of their rudeness someone else’s fault, places blame back into the lap of the recipient, glorifies their viciousness, and uplifts their ridicule. In other words, “I’m cool because I’m mean. If you’re bitter, it’s your issue not mine. If you are angry I had nothing to do with it.” This attitude makes it unnecessary for us to own up to consequences or the necessity of change. “A refusal to change is a refusal to grow up.” There are thin skinned people, I agree, who wear their feelings on their shoulders, but there are also those who sharpen their tongues, and cut and run. Picking at and picking on is one thing, but what some folks engage in, well, “that ain’t pickin”. There is a judgment for those who have contributed to the bitterness of poisoned hearts, and afterwards there will be no strutting and crowing for the use of their wit, but shame, sorrow and anguish. The Bible speaks of a watchman who warns people of danger, but should the watchman fail to do so, it also states that the blood of the slain would be required of him. Vulnerability will bring a warning from a watchman, but predators will come out of the woodwork to exploit it should they sense it. Christians are watchmen, it is our job to warn the person who is vulnerable, but there is a difference between warning and making a point. I am suspicious of compliments. We know that many are sincere, and our response to them, no matter what the circumstance, must always be polite, for there is no excuse for bad manners. There are some folks, however; that tickle my paranoia, and while I try very hard to politely respond to their statements, I often find myself inquiring after those that I know either love me or only have my best interests at heart whether or not said statement has veracity. Those that love you will always speak the truth to you, or the very least what they believe to be the truth. From them should it be necessary you may see the palm of their hand, but you will never be on the receiving end of the back of their hand.
Posted on: Sun, 29 Jun 2014 01:32:43 +0000
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