The Christians finally wore me down, (not their rhetoric , THATS completely retarded); I just found out they have coffee hours , and I also realized that Illuminism never gave me a SINGLE cup of ANY caffeinated beverage. SO - Thursday at 12 Oclock central time I will be asking Jesus to come live in my heart , there is a slightly enlarged left ventricle from previous steroid use and I think he will be able to JUST fit, if he curls up tightly and tries not to breathe too deeply. Of course I will be documenting the Fabulous ways in which my life will immediately change, but judging by my soon to be peers - I expect to instantly lose dozens of I.Q. Points , so my vocabulary MAY take a hit from all that holiness. I wont need much intelligence though because one of the coolest things about joining Jesus is that you get to let other people do all your thinking for you. I can hardly wait for all the really cool blessings that Im assured are ALREADY on their way, and the power to bind and loose things (in his name of course) should make for some pretty hilarious moments at the next bondage convention. Stay tuned and who knows maybe YOULL decide to join me, we can spend eternity sitting at the feet of Jesus, gazing lovingly up (hope he keeps his legs crossed because he DOES tend to favor robes and I dont really want to see little Jesus). Just picture it - the refreshing spray of trumpeting Angels emptying their spit valves while we sing gospel hymns and throw Illuminists on the fire... :)
Posted on: Tue, 02 Sep 2014 11:02:01 +0000
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