The Different Types of Life Problems Whenever we encounter challenges and seek to solve problems, we should monitor our performance. We should review our efforts and reactions to events daily, weekly, and monthly to understand our opportunities to improve our effectiveness. These are the primary categories of problems that we all encounter. Unavoidable Problems These are the situations that you cannot avoid and eventually must face. One of my clients lost her husband in an accident. She cried for four years, but all of her crying did not change her life. The loss was an unavoidable part of life. Avoidable Problems These are the situations that you can manage by being alert and conscious of what’s happening around you. Be proactive. Identifying problems before they occur will save troublesome consequences in the future. Here is an example of learning to be proactive. Fifteen years ago, my mentor, Mr. Lena, came to the United States to meet a magazine editor in New York. The editor agreed to meet with him at 10:00 a.m. Unfortunately, Lena arrived at 10:05, and the editor refused to meet with him! From this experience, Lena learned the importance of time management. Today, fifteen years later, he develops time-management trainings for Indian corporations and is considered a “time-management guru.” Put-Off Problems Say that a guest has come to your house. When your guest arrives, you start to feel sad because she will be leaving tomorrow morning. You are filled with pain and anguish, which keeps you from being happy while the guest is in your home. While she is with you, you cannot be happy, and when she has gone, you will be unhappier still! This is what is happens when you cling unyieldingly to what you have. Meaningless Problems For some people, if they do not have a problem, they create one. They feel that something is wrong if they do not have problems to deal with! We can eliminate this by observing our thoughts (see “Pocket Affirmations” on page 27). Environmental Problems Unsatisfied desires are often the root cause of negative energy. Put yourself in environments where you are around positive-energy people. These people make you feel more positive yourself. Problems with Ego I once worked for an Indian software company as a country manager, and I managed the accounts for two countries. My company acquired a Japanese firm, and the CEO of the acquired company then became the CEO of my company. My new senior manager set down some new policies, and I was not willing to follow them. I felt very torn: I did not want to leave, I enjoyed my work, and I was very close to the chairman of the company. Eventually, I left the company because of the “clash of egos” between myself and the new management. I lost an opportunity to handle a 300-member team, but the experience taught me a very good lesson about handling my ego. Ego is frequently the starting point of every misunderstanding that we encounter. Ego can often be more dangerous than disease; where disease is a “slow-acting poison,” ego harms quickly. Your ego grows out of your life experiences, the way that you have been brought up, your obsessions, your religion, your social status, and the ways of thinking to which you have grown accustomed. Ego is sometimes shaped by a lack of trust in our ability to decide for ourselves what we believe. Belief is conditional and trust is unconditional. Conditional thinking occurs when you hold a belief that determines how you react to a given situation. Unconditional thinking brings full trust. An egotistic person often encounters difficulty while interacting with others. In every relationship, he responds to the ego of the other person rather than to the actual person. When his ego prompts him to act in hurtful ways, the pain affects him as much as it does the other person. This particular challenge frequently arises in multicultural relationships. The world is now linked by the Internet, and cross-cultural working environments often make it difficult to develop understanding between people of differing regions, cultures, or languages. This is why it is so important to understand others without filtering them through your own ego. Relationship Problems Every relationship needs a solid foundation in order to survive and flourish. Let’s take look at the most important points of building this foundation: Self-esteem is critical. When you feel confident and secure within yourself, you do not need a partner to assure you of your worthiness. If your boyfriend leaves you for another woman, you can have hearty laugh and say to yourself, “It’s the poor guy’s loss and not mine!” Compatibility is a key factor; love sustains itself when you have goals and dreams in common. Spending quality time together is important when you are at the beginning of a relationship, and it is but natural to want to spend as much time as possible with your loved one. As time goes on and life gets busier (with work and children), time together often slips on the list of priorities. Good communication is essential. You need to be able to tell your partner who you are, what you want, and why you behave the way you do. There are going to be differences, and you should learn how to sort them out. Practice the art of arguing well and proving your point intelligently. Remember to consider your partner’s perspective as well as your own. Relationship is chemistry; try to mix with others’ chemistry instead of requiring that other people mix with your chemistry. The ability to positively relate with another is a fundamental trait of any successful relationship, but before you can truly love another person, you must love yourself. A person full of love will be flexible and considerate of others because she does not expect anything of them. Without expectations, she will live like a breeze, feeling interdependent rather than dependent on other people. More than awareness or love, the real foundation of relationships is passion. Before total passion can happen, you have to be perfectly conscious of your beliefs and thoughts. At the same time, relationships are all about chemistry—the combination of one person’s qualities with another person’s unique qualities—and every personality combination will lead to a unique type of chemistry. Once you are in a relationship, you might begin to take your partner for granted. You may begin to think that you know everything about him, while he might begin to think that he knows everything about you! But this is not possible. Every person is completely unique. In my counseling work, I have discovered the following to be true: Many relationships are conditional and materialistic in nature. In general, women expect love and affection, while men expect freedom and independence. Physical relations alone never satisfy anyone. Satisfaction only comes from within. Love often brings pain, and pain brings growth. Every relationship holds uncertainty because of the fear that it might not last. Marriage is simply a contractual agreement between two people. Love can survive only in a relationship that allows compromise and where love is given unconditionally. Relationships are a series of changes and adjustments in learning how to live with another person; if one person changes but no adjustments are made, the relationship may end. When two people love wholeheartedly, both people risk feeling hatred. Love cannot exist without the potential for hatred. Both partners can have unrealistic expectations. Communication is often the greatest problem.
Posted on: Fri, 19 Jul 2013 09:18:55 +0000
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