The Exciting Marriage - Dr Wilf Kent ( Monya) INDIVIDUALITY AND PERSONALITY PRECIS: Identifying personality and personal characteristics; The dynamics of adjusting to a personality different from yours; Personality types. TEXT: Acts 15:36-41 PREMISE: During a three day Marriage Enrichment seminar which we were conducting, a small middle-aged man approached me and said, “You know, my wife and I have been married 25 years and we have never had a disagreement.” “I beg your pardon?” I coughed. Pulling his shoulders up and speaking a bit more forcibly, he repeated his statement. Upon meeting his wife later, I realised how this statement could be true! She was a rotund woman who seldom smiled and spoke with a deep voice in definitive assertions. If you and your spouse never had a disagreement, it is because of one of four possible reasons. Either you are a blob (an amiable non-entity void of personality), your spouse is a blob or both of you are blobs! The fourth possibility is that you don’t live together. The very fact that an individual is a person presupposes many significant things. Firstly, the characteristics which identify one as a human being are such dynamics as background, mind-set, value systems, tastes, goals, motivation, preferences, modes of operation, personality, volition and much more. Secondly, every person is distinctive in this universe. Should he/she fail to contribute his/her unique characteristics, the world will be forever disadvantaged. No other person is able to offer your special contribution! Our Creator is a God of infinite variety, capable of immense diversity. Each person is uniquely different. Before your spouse became your marriage partner, he/she was an individual which embodied all the characteristics and dynamics of personhood. A blob on the other hand has few of the above distinctives. A popular hit song of the eighties, well expressed the complacent mediocrity which characterises the masses. One catch phrase went something like this; “We’re just people, just ordinary people.” The music is beautiful, but the philosophy is flawed! The truth is; There are no ordinary people! Each person is singular and exceptional and called for a divine purpose! INTRODUCTION: When a cold weather front from Canada meets a warmer moist front from the Gulf of Mexico, somewhere in the mid-central States of the USA the result is unsettled and turbulent weather. The roughest open waters are off the coasts of South Africa where the warm Indian Ocean meets with the cold South Atlantic. Even experienced mariners are fearful of these waters. In similar manner, when two people from differing backgrounds meet in holy matrimony, the results can be marital turbulence. This is not unusual. “Our first five years was a rocky relationship”, is a statement which can describe most marriages. An example from meteorology is quite significant. Clear and settled weather occurs only when the cold and warm fronts are thoroughly mixed. The point is clear. If pleasant marital sailing is to be experienced by any couple, it will come about as a result is adaptation, integration and complete blending to form a whole. Inflexibility, rigidity and intransigence resists change and are the conditions which spawn continual turmoil. The ancient peoples of yesteryear had none of our present-day technology but they had a wisdom which far exceeds our best human sciences. They discovered a way to eliminate most of the marital turbulences which cause rocky marriages. The formula is found in the book of Deuteronomy 24:5 KJV: “When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go to war, neither shall he be charged with any business; but he shall be free at home ONE YEAR and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken”. A one year honeymoon – free from all concerns and responsibilities! Their total energies were directed toward each other. Their activities included more than frolicking through the fields or cavorting among the crocuses. It was a time for discovery…analysing, identifying, adjusting, relating, ministering…this is the kind of mixing that ensures stability! LESSON: I. EXAMPLES OF BIBLE PERSONALITIES A. Authorship of the Scriptures – II Peter 1:21 B. The Disciples of Jesus – Galatians 2:11 C. A Notable Personality Clash – Acts 15:36-41 II. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? Are you: Withdrawn - Outgoing Sombre - Vivacious Sensitive - Stable Lax - Detailed Conservative - Liberal Practical - Imaginative Relaxed - Tense III. CHARACTER ROLE-PLAYING A. Conservative/Fixed vs Imaginative/Creative B. Quiet/Retiring vs Venturesome/Participating CONCLUSION: Compatibility is not a question of similarities or dissimilarities. It is a question of flexibility! Jesus stated that Moses permitted divorce because “…of the hardness of your heart!” Matthew 19:3-8. In thirty plus years of counselling, I have never had a couple come in for marriage counselling but that it was preceded by months and years and decades of “hardness of heart.” Such indifferent rigidity is inconsistent with Galatians 5:22 “The fruit of the Spirit is love…” It is the primary cause of marital unrest. ASSIGNMENT: 1. MEMORISE: Romans 12:9-10 NIV 2. QUESTIONS: A. List four dynamics which make people distinctive. B. What was Paul’s difference with Barnabus? Support your answer with scripture. C. Describe the personality characteristics of three disciples. D. Define compatibility E. Why did Moses permit divorce? 3. EXERCISE: Answer the following questions then discuss them with your spouse: 1. What is my personality’s strength / weakness? 2. What is my partner’s strength / weakness? 3. In what way do our personalities differ? 4. How can I be supportive to my partner? 5. What can I do to lessen tension? 6. In what areas can our personalities blend?
Posted on: Sat, 03 Aug 2013 00:31:27 +0000
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