The Exciting Marriage Dr Wilfred Kent - Monya :) THE IMPORTANCE OF CONVERSATION / COMMUNICATION PRECIS: The difference between communication and conversation; Dynamics and practical rules for communication; Vehicles for communication. TEXT: James 1:19-20 PREMISE: Much has been learned about the communicational systems of the animal kingdoms. Bees use body gestures to communicate the direction and distance of nectar to their hive. The female tiger moth gives off a scent which can be detected by the male moth at a distance of 15 miles. Grasshoppers communicate by making clicking sounds with their hind legs, and an ant will tell her colony where the source of food is by leaving a chemical trail behind her. Whales communicate to their pod by sonar. Some species identify each other by size, others by shape and still others by colour. Methods and means of communication are as varied as are the species. Conversation however, is the sole realm of homosapiens. Animals know nothing about ideals or values. They are unable to share the beauty of a landscape, discuss their feelings or plan their future. Such privileges belong to mankind alone. Communication may be illustrated as the ability to define a random pile of bricks in terms of location, size, shape and consistency. Conversation is the ability to take these bricks, bind them together with mortar in well defined lines, creating a home for the express purpose of sharing warmth, laughter, hope, peace, tenderness and togetherness. Communication transfers bits and pieces of information. A computer can do this also. Conversation shares bits and pieces of information as it relates to the individual. It is the sharing of one’s self with others. The speaker makes himself common with his listeners. This is the meaning of the Latin word “communicum” and “communicare” from which the English word communication is derived. The usual vehicle for conversation is the spoken word. Simply defined; Words are little wagons which carry thoughts, emotions, aspirations, values, memories, plans, information, concerns…little bits and pieces of ME! Words are mere vehicles and unless they are laden with individual intimacies and convey subjective personalisations, they are empty loads! INTRODUCTION: Sadly, many couples never learn the art of conversation. They hiss, spit, bark and growl at each other, thinking that therein they have fulfilled all the requirements of a good conversationalist. Such was the case history of a couple who had come to my office on the advice of their attorney. “Our lawyer told us to go to a counsellor to get our act together. If we couldn’t do this with his help, then he would proceed with the dissolution,” the husband informed me. His wife interrupted in a volcano of bitterness, “He (referring to her husband) communicates with me on the level of a beast. He genuinely feels he is carrying on a heavy-duty conversation when he grunts, groans or gestures. ‘Huh?’ ‘Oh!’ ‘Yeh!’ ‘No!’ ‘There!’ I’m sick of it! My 5 year old son is more interesting to converse with. At least his sentences contain more than three monosyllabic words! ‘I don’t know’, ‘maybe’, and ‘it beats me!’ It’s a mystery to me how he keeps a job…” Her attack continued as he tried to interrupt. “If she doesn’t stop to take a breath, she is liable to suffocate! Maybe then I can get in a word or two…maybe, if I’m lucky!” In seven years of married life, they had never had one meaningful conversation. It is doubtful that either of them knew how. He referred to his wife as “motor mouth” which indeed was an apt description. She called him “gloom tomb” because his mouth was sealed like some sepulchre and when it opened it vented dark depressing negativism. They couldn’t tolerate each other. Their relationship could be described as a sick dependency, rather than a happy partnership. If their marriage was to survive they had to learn the art of conversation. Their problems could have been avoided of they had heeded the instructions of Ephesians 4:29 NIV. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” LESSON: I. THE PRODUCTIVITY OF COMMUNICATION / CONVERSATION A. It encourages co-operation B. It draws out your partner’s thoughts C. It provides important feedback D. It activates productive thinking. II. THE PROBLEMS WITHIN COMMUNICATION / CONVERSATION A. Homosapiens are creatures of habit B. Subjective feeling vs objective input C. Presumptions, assumptions & misconceptions. III. THE POTENTIALS OF COMMUNICATION / CONVERSATION A. Means of self-actualisation B. Means of marital compatibility C. Means of personal satisfaction D. Means of personal achievement. IV. PRACTICAL ROLES FOR COMMUNICATION / CONVERSATION A. Don’t jump to conclusions B. Don’t sidestep issues C. Don’t dodge responsibilities D. Don’t flee unpleasantness. CONCLUSION: James 1:19-20 teaches us a university course in the art of communication / conversation in simple, terse terms: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” ASSIGNMENT: 1. MEMORISE: James 1:19-20 2. QUESTIONS: A. What is the basic difference between communication and conversation? B. Healthy communication / conversation yields four productive results. List two. C. What are two problem which beset communication / conversation? D. List two potential of good communication / conversation. E. Give two practical rules for communication / conversation. 3. EXERCISE: Follow these ten simple steps daily for one week: A. Don’t have your desert or beverage after supper. B. Wash the dishes and clean your kitchen together. C. Send the kids away. Get a babysitter if needed. D. Shut off all stereos, radios, TV’s E. Unplug the telephone F. Bring your dessert into your family room G. Sit across from, yet near each other H. Don’t talk about bills, kids, fears of problems I. Don’t interrupt or correct the other person J. Don’t try to solve your differences K. Enjoy…for one hour, every day for 1 week.
Posted on: Mon, 05 Aug 2013 14:19:52 +0000
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