The Great Adventures Of Walter Fish I am Walter Fish, this book you are about to take and devour is like no other, for it contains many stories, tales as tall as your aunt, and twice as deadly, not just one, but many, as if they were blossoming from Queen Elizabeths great heaving bosom, and void of all gravity transcended into the ether that exists above us all. tis a book of good tidings to all who read it, and if read in the right fashion will bring a fruitful harvest to its readers, and procure them a place in gods kingdom where their enemies shall ponder no rewenge, as they weep before mighty cows. Walter Fish and The God Head In the oldest of tails I have heard it to be told, that there is one who created the heavens and the earth. he has gone by many numerous names over the centuries Zeus, Abraxas , Rah, Allah, the primitive man once called him Jesus but the answer lies only in the God Head Upon my mountain of truth, I did once feel Bon Bon’s scent give off his name, I smelt it . I turned to Bon Bon and asked what is that? , that name that carries with your scent? Tis a foul beautiful musk, Bon Bon peered into my eyes questioningly and said nothing but I knew twas the scent of the Godhead that had been transmitted through Georges pores. I must venture forth, to find its original location. George bellowed a whirl wind from his mighty gums and sent us hurling into the great expanse of space. Stars, planets, galaxys fell behind our path, as we sped further and further into the black abyss. Until we reached The White Walls”, the end of every universe, the place where life and time began Crashing against them we plummeted to the floor, dazed, confused, but not deterred from our quest. Once my eyes had recovered from the great fall, I looked upwards and saw a goat, long haired and wise. With diamonds for pupils, his coat a long shaggy mane, on his head he wore a crown encrusted with jewels. He opened his mouth and began to talk, “Walter Fish, by what insolence do you tread on the grounds of the White Walls His voice bellowed, ricocheting in its trembling echo. By what arrogance do you stand before me spake the goat after a moment’s pause, I tilted my head to meet his gaze and said tis not by arrogance, I assure you, I come with the greatest and most sincere of intentions, for you see I have smelt the God Head, tell me lord goat, what is thy name, and thy purpose? The goat drew closer. his steps pounding like a giants and looking deep into my very soul spake thus My Name, is Lyre, guardian of the God Head, watcher of all things you say you have smelt the calling of the God Head, tell me Human, Walter Fish. describe it, if you truly have whiffed his wisdom and wafted in his Aroma, how does it smell?, answer this and you shall pass Spoke Lyre The Goat Understanding the gravity of the situation , and that if I were to make a mistake in my description, our plans would be thwarted, and we would not meet the God Head I closed my eyes, and thought very deeply The scent of the God Head, as you know is a fragrance like no other, for it carries the musk of earth, the redolence of sweet childhood memories, the faint breeze of a winters morning, as sun rises upon the weastern woods. and the terrible foul smog of dry faeces that has laid many years in the sun, and wanders through the nostrils embedding itself in the nose hairs like a parasite, that Lyre is the smell of the God Head Lyre took two regretful steps backwards and pressed his nose against the wall , you truly have smelt it, I am to do your bidding, Great Walter Fish he spoke as he kneeled down to his knees bowing his head to the floor The White Walls open , blinding my sight , with celestial beauty. It is then that I saw it The God Head All encompassing, and all powerful. It surrounded us from all sides its visage, Ginormous, its face bore no expression. As it appeared a serene peace over flowed through my senses. And I knew, that this was the one true maker, the origin of all things. If I were a weaker man, its beauty would reduce me to tears Why did you send for me, what is my purpose I asked, greatly anticipating its answer. It did not reply with a word. But with a sound and a smell one so foul I could hardly stomach it, and nearly fainted. Then all of a sudden, it laughed. And space thus Walter Fish, your purpose here is your own, surely you know that already, what good is searching for me going to achieve, your far too inquisitive for your own good, you humans, always looking for answers, and never happy with what you have before you in clear sight, always questioning, could that not just have been a smell you caught a whiff of? did there have to be any other greater meaning, well your here now, so I suppose it is my duty to grant you the answer all my thoughts , calmed to a quiet apprehension dare I ask, but I must know , I must know What was the smell?, I must know, I have travelled a great distance, sacrificed many things to know, you surely must tell me, I implore you , from the very fibre of my being , I must know The God Head smiled you really want to know he asked, amused by my frantic confession yes I answered I Farted Walter Fish and The Great Noontide Twas upon my return from my journey to the GodHead. that i did realize twas the beginning of the great noontide, a celebration held by man and animal and manimals alike, though i only had just returned home, i could not miss such a celebration. for it does only come every eleventeenth year, in the few days that the sunny moon doth rise , and Bon Bon and I could not miss such an event. Although we were exhausted from our prior travels, we decided to venture forth, with kind heart and kindling eye. For those of you who do not know, the great noontide began fourtooth hundred and fourteen years ago, it is a celebration of peace, prosparity, and good will amongst all species of this great land, it was started by the fathers of each race, the cobble folk, the lilly pap ludites, the dooner trumps, the snut nosed morsemuts, the snoons, human men like myself, the manimals, and even the reclusive rhyming trees do attend in honor of peace and good will. Bon Bon sweated a heavy sweat from his oafish poors, as he exhaled sending us spirling once again into the air, and towards Herefoonshire, where twas said to be held for these coming days. We landed in a forest, nearby the town centre, for as powerfull as george can bellow the beast is unable to direct the wind to a fine point, for his butter fists cause him to loose both his sense of balance and direction when taking flight. I took out out my wahalking kane, and began to meander. down the wooded path, when all of a swoon i tripped , and lounded fouly upon the earth, after dusting myself off and cursing briefly , i was met by the eyes of a rhyming tree. it spake thus It appears you fell, as far as i can tell, the land was it unpleasent, or did it suit you well?, i imagine you dont find it swell, to have walked briskly , only to have fell, upon the dirt, that looks like it hurt, to have fallen foul upon the dirt, i hope it did not muddy your shirt, you should have been more alert!, than to take a trip, or a mere slip, may i give you a tip? , or have you already got the cut of my jip? annoyed by the whiles of this whimsically tonuged tree, i gathered myself together , and struck him with my wahalking kane, tell me , tree fellow, what is your business here other than to crack wise with foolish rhyms and to joke at my expense, are you here for the great Noontide , what be your name? Bon Bon snorted his retort and said no more. the tree spake thus unto me in response Noontide, indeed i confide, i am here for the great noontide, though i must say, trouble awaits inside, though as i tell you this im sure youll claim i have lied, but there is no jolly making to jest, my advice you should abide, beware for trouble awaits,in the shadows itll hide, awaits for those at this years noontide and my name you ask, ha this is a mere task, a small request at your behest, verily i wear no namely mask, for i shall tell, if it suits you well i cut him off mid sentence with a strike of my cane, for his rhyms were simply starting to drive me insane, YES , AND YOUR NAME IS? He seemed disgrunted by my actions, and then said nothing. tired of the floor warbling, Bon Bon and I headed in the direction of the festival...though...with a fear lingering still in my mind, like an elusive marmoset....what did he mean.. By trouble. Upon reaching the gates of the Great Noontide festival, Bon Bon and I were passed by a Dorsethead named Dwindle, I had come across this creature before, and he was not to be trusted. Dwindle Dorsethead stood four foot tall, adorned in a petti coat, loafers, a pipe. and a head far too sized, for a such a small brain. Dwindle’s kind in short were a nuisance, and were always up to something questionable. Leaning into Bon Bon’s ear I whispered “listen, we must be very cautious, I say we follow him, and see where he leads us…. Perhaps Dwindle is involved in the trouble that may occur, trouble we must prevent as best we can…., quick Bon Bon while there is time, make us invisible” We followed Dwindle closely until he led us to a quiet little cove residing just inside the grounds, … where he was met by The Dirt Men. The Dirt Men are despicable creatures born from mud, sweat, ogre droppings and screams. These men… are not men at all in any sense of the word, but monsters. It all made sense to me now…as I heard them talk in hushed tones and wicked tongues, they were leading all the races in to the festival, to destroy them. Though a terrible fear had stilled my voice, and buried itself in my lungs, I knew they must be stopped at all costs. But by whom, there was only two of us... we did not have the man power for such an attack, I went over the scenario in my head and every time we lost, I feared as to what to do , until from out of the corner my eye I caught a glimpse of the Ol’Badger. The Ol’Badger, a wise and powerful adversary to all those who threaten life in the weastern woods, for he has a secret power only a few like myself are aware of. The Dirt Men paused abruptly in the middle of their plot, shaken by my allies’ appearance, surely for fear he had heard, and was to take action. All of a swoon Bon Bon threw off our invisibility and consumed two of the dirt men, throwing the others deep into cave. “Ah, Walter, greetings my old compadre” spake the Ol’Badger as the three of us cornered Dwindle. “what have you heard, what has he said to the Dirt Men, Walter?” I looked solemnly at the ground contemplating my answer, momentarily…. I had to tell him, …if I didn’t give up dwindle…it would mean genocide…and I could not have that on my conscience, no matter what terrible fate dwindle meets he at least has brought it upon himself. “He plans to help the Dirt Men exterminate all species inside , lilly pap luddites, rhyming trees, cobble folk…all of them, as to why he plans to help them….I do not know, but help them he plans to” Twas then that Dwindle Sharted Oh such a grave misunderstanding, all this is, I assure you both sirs I am as completely in the dark as the two of you, I have no recollection of any of the incidents you have brought to my attention having transpired, and I question whether they even occurred verbatim as it was just relayed sirs, says I. Not that I am questioning your authority in putting this matter to me, says I again Hurried Dwindle Dorset Head, hermaphroditing his way out of the predicament to his own eyes with such ease, tact, and grace. The OlBadger, did not look amused. Very well, broke out the OlBadger, bored of listening with feigned interest to Dwindle floor warbling, verbally wetting himself he was, no snout about it thought the thoughtful wise OlBader. But no point in arguing back, thatll only plump his pillow, no, no use at all, although... Itd sure teach him a lesson, perhaps it was time. All of a swoon there was a crack in the badger’s spine, splitting his skin wide open to reveal an expansive and glorious wingspan, blossoming out of his back. Dwindle leaped backwards, staring transfixed to the ground by shock. Out of the OlBadger flew a Platypus , duck billed, and soaring. Dwindle sherreeeeked, and began to run. The Almighty Platypus flew after him , tailing close behind. Dwindle running out of breath, and places to hide, decided the only way to survive would be to bargain with the beast. He stopped and turned to face the platypus, that was no hovering just above the ground. It met his gaze with a calm and relaxed expression, amused almost, to his amazement it rolled out its tongue to reveal , a city, Dwindle could not believe his eyes. Bustling and alive it was, with the sound of traffic, the smell of gas and fumes, and music, music was sounding from a parade, trumpets and horns , its people cheered and applauded. On the tallest building stood a moose, he bellowed Bare witness boy to my inauguration ceremony. I am the moose and you... before his sentence could be finished the platypus swallowed the city whole, and belched. It then leaned its bill forward towards Dwindle, opened its gaping jaws, and consumed him. Flying off with haste to consult with the octopus on as to what to do next. ...Bon Bon and I stared in horror...knowing what fate awaits him....the damned fool. The Octopus, is one that is consulted with only if one has to, thought the moose pensively , inside the great belly of The Platypus. but such an occasion has arisen before, and alas the times do plead for his council once more. Though he may be a galavanting swine, roaming the great ocean in search of more pies to immerse his tenacious tentacles into, and yes may be friend to none, and foe to more than a great many, and does at any given opportunity excrete his arrogant noxious gas in the faces of all who may greet him, he is wise.... and in a situation like this, tis wisdom that is greatly needed. even if it be from a gloat hearty glorified goringer like him. The moose had made his decision, people, we are soon to land, so i suggest you prepare yourselves now, lest the time come when it be too late, do not speak to him, do not look at him, ignore his presence, as lavish and enticing as it may be, only i can barter with him, any attempt to do so by any of you will be scoffed at, and swallowed in, and you will be met only with an inky indifference intruding upon your person , heed my words, or be forever in regret the occupants of the city grumbled only briefly but succumbed to his demands, after all who here would argue with the guidance of the great moose The city inside the Almighty Platypus shook, as it dived ungracefully into the great ocean below, it swam, for what seemed like miles, but really was a few seconds...time is difficult to judge when travelling inside anothers belly. Finally they reached the resting place of the arrogant old octopod he sat there, brimming with glee, a massive smirk upon his face, he foresaw their coming, and knew of the peril they brought with them. too lazy to lift even one of the eight pipes, he toked in his mouth, he choose to communicate through telepathy Ah well if it isnt the platypus His words were met only with a scorn from the great creature as he opened his jaws wide, and rolled out his tongue , the moose lept upon it, and pointed his finger in anger that is The Almighty Platypus, and i shall hear no floor warbling from you, you rancid ancient ol bastard, now you know why we are here, let us cut to the chase already The Octopus was amused by their outcry, this pathetic display he thought, and bellowed a laugh from his mighty chops haha, very well , very well, trumps it is then Dwindle dorset head was called forth to explain to the octopus what he had done the moose, cast forth a rope to lift him up, from the great expanse of the platypuss belly finally he reached the surface and rested upon its tongue, shaking, and terrified The Octopus bellowed so tell me, what i am already aware of , so that it can be seen to , and you seen to, and then set free....perhaps perhaps...dwindle thought.... perhaps...no, i shall not utter a single solitary , wabble, to you or anyone else The Octopus scorned mercilessly at him, and excreted a heavy foul ink in his face very well, give me him, and i will contact the man who can make him speak...though...i want something in return, for this, for i must travel back to the land of whence you came..a place of which i do not tread...to....earthy for my liking, but bring me four morrowhimps, four , no less, and i shall travel with you back to the mountain of truth and will bring him back to Walter Fish
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 19:04:34 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015