The Hearts of Black Boys: My mentor once told me that he who observes and writes lives two lives. While in the supermarket today, I observed that one of my old friends was struggling terribly with her son. It had gotten so bad that she had resorted to, If you run away or do that one more time, I am going to beat your...(you know the rest). I was simply there to get bananas and water and I did not want anyone to notice me. However, I went over to the next aisle, spoke to her and immediately started to engage her son. I asked, How old is this young man and what is his name? She said that he was 7 and his name was Miles. Because I knew her, I told the young man that I had two boys just like him at home and I told him what happens when they are out of line: You get these blows (holding up my fists). So I brought him close to me and playfully punched him in his ribs two times. It was light enough so that he would not cry but hard enough so that he knew he was in the presence of a man. Afterwards, I took him from his mother, knowing that this relief for her was like eternity, and he walked the supermarket with me. Know what I did next is part of the secret to engaging hyperactive young boys (my two boys are the same way with their mother when I am not around). I gave his ability responsibility; that is, I made him push the cart and place everything I needed in the cart. At the same time, we were able to have a conversation about his school work and other matters. Amazingly, when we got to the register, we caught up with his mother, I gave him some of those punches again in his side, and he said, while pulling away (clearly sensing the love of another man), Can you come to one of my games with me? In other words, he was saying, Whatever I experienced today, I liked it and I need more of it. In the end, Miles fulfilled his responsibility of placing all of the food on the counter to be paid for. We must give young men more responsibility and it is so important for them to hear the voice of a male in their lives. Nonetheless, I want to give a major shout out to mothers who have fought this fight with young men by themselves. This is not easy work...this is no praise for me. I am just simply sharing the stories and strategies for engagement of our young men....
Posted on: Sun, 27 Jul 2014 17:54:53 +0000
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