The Israelites, on their way from Egypt to Canaan, seek to pass through the land of Edom. The king refuses entry. The Hebrews pledge to “keep to the beaten track, and if we or our cattle drink your water, we will pay for it. We ask only for passage on foot – it is but a small matter” (Numbers 20:19). Edom refuses again, this time “strongly armed.” He will not give; he will not share. Some people have a deficit mentality. They live in a state of deprivation, assuming that there won’t be enough. For whatever sound reasons, they perpetually fear running out, being left without. The glass is half-empty and the pitcher cracked. When asked, they invariably lead with ‘no.’ In the Torah, Moses counters Edom’s refusal with logic, saying, in essence, “Don’t worry -- we will not take from you.” But this is rarely effective when dealing with someone with a deficit mentality. Since their perception of the situation is based in fear, they can always come up with a counter-argument. Such people trust best in the context of relationship, when they know their needs are known and respected. When Moses tells the King of Edom “it is but a small matter,” he signals that he doesn’t take the King’s fears seriously. Why would I trust someone who diminishes my feelings? What if Moses had instead said “I can imagine that you’re nervous about having so many people walk through your land. You have a lot of people to protect and, after all, resources are scarce. I am hoping you can help us in our plight. What do you need from us to allow us to pass through your lands?” If Moses had spoken in such a respectful way, and within the context of a relationship, perhaps Edom wouldn’t have felt all walked over.
Posted on: Fri, 14 Jun 2013 16:18:04 +0000
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