The Lawrence Ross 50 Point Guide to Black vs. Police Incidents: 1. Black man gets shot by police. A few neighborhood black folks see this and say, that shit aint right. 2. Black eyewitnesses tell everyone what happened. Media waits for white eyewitness to corroborate. If none can be found, black witnesses not believed. 3. Police claim that officer acted correctly. Give him a Killed a Negro bonus check. 4. Black folks get pissed. 5. White police think, Fck them black folks 6. Black folks go to the streets 7. White police start Operation Smear Dead Black Man. 8. A monochromatic media production team say, Lets give this story an hour, but not enough to break up our essential Lockup marathon. Make sure to find a photo of dead black man with three thing: Cash, gun, and menacing face. Use the OJ filter to darken it up. 9. Black folks roll through the neighborhood. Loot stores that were probably charging them exorbitant prices anyway. 10. White police let them loot. Aint their stores. 11. Al Sharptons Bat Phone goes off. 12. Dead black man finally gets picked up off the street. 13. National media send out one reporter and polaroid camera. Keep LOCKUP ON! 14. Black Twitter gives a great minute by minute run down, including a historical background of police brutality, and 500 hilarious memes of how they really aint feeling none of this. 15. Second night of looting. Police decide to mobilize their special Osama Bin Laden is eating at Mickey Ds In Our Town SWAT Unit. 16. Black folks stare at tanks and laugh. 17. Police release video of dead black man robbing something, just for shits and giggles. 18. Black folks go off again. 19. White governor is pissed that hes gonna miss the fried snickers at the state fair for the Dead Black Man. 20. White governor pulls out his contact list. Calls each and every one of his black friends. Orders them to stand behind him...but not too close behind him..at the press conference. 21. White governor arrives in town. Appoints New Black Guy to head something. Gets in New Black Guys face and gets all Jules, Chill these Negroes out! 22. New Black Guy channels his inner Danny Glover: I aint got time for this shit. 23. White dudes who know that even if they burn and tear shit up, America will blame the nearest black guy for it, finally arrive. 24. New Black Guy says, Chill, Jesus, and whatever you do, dont burn down the BBQ place. 25. Ministers grab their finest three-piece suit and gators. Als coming to town. 26. POTUS goes on the computer. Picks out the most milquetoast speech he can give about race, without appearing to sound milquetoast. 27. Black folks get in the streets again. White police put snipers on top of other snipers. 28. White police shoot out tear gas. 29. Folks in Gaza say, We eat tear gas for breakfast. 30. Black folks throw tear gas back at cops. 31. White cops amazed that someone would throw something at them. 32. Al shows up. Get on the microphone. Speechifies. Old civil rights movement folks get on stage. Speechify more. Text message: keep the motor running on the private jet. 33. National media sets up camp. Open collars show that these reporters are in the streets. 34. Interviews with the most inarticulate black teen they can find. Gold fronts give you a bonus check. 35. Black Twitter is breaking news left and right. National media going to commercial. 36. New Black Guy goes home and check Orbitz for flights to Iraq. 37. Old civil rights leaders bolt out before night fall. 38. Night falls. White police orders black folks to either keep dancing in the streets or go to jail. Calls to Lionel Ritchie go unanswered. 39. White police shoot more of their endless supply tear gas. 40. Black folks have the Internets. Have bought gas masks for the occasion. 41. Black Twitter reminds everyone that a gas mask was invented by a black man. Irony alert! 42. News media starts getting tired of the story. Starts blaming black folks for lack of Lockup episodes. 43. POTUS gives speech. Touts a cheap black man program that is funded with the equivalent of a days bombing in Iraq. 44. White folks start to think...Enough. 45. Polls taken. Anchors shocked that white and black folks look at race differently. 46. Fox News finds THAT NEGRO YOUVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE who comes on to how black need to do this or that and this and blah blah... 47. Nelly shows up. 48. White dudes leave town. Throw one last rock to get another black guy arrested. 49. Calm on the streets. Someone says, We need a conversation on race. Black Twitter kills him with millions of razor sharp tweets. 50. Dead Black Man buried. In about a year, white cop acquitted. And riots begin...and so goes the cycle.
Posted on: Tue, 19 Aug 2014 22:25:41 +0000
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