The New Girl When I was in the first grade, my parents made the tough decision to transfer me to the school my mom taught at. It made a lot of things easier. Especially for vacation purposes. Our different schools always had different Spring Breaks and Christmas Breaks. And not to mention it was kinda nice to ride in the car together for 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes after school. An extra hour a day next to a lady I admired. One thing that was NOT easier was the transition to a new school after school had already started. I was faced with a school full of kids I had never seen before in my life. Plus, they had already settled into a routine that first week. I was the new girl. I felt isolated and naked. I was afraid and anxious. I missed my mommy and wished she was my teacher. She wasnt even at the same school as me, which was also confusing. When I heard her say, You will be going to school with me, I thought that meant the same building. It wasnt. Im sure she explained this to me, but I didnt get it. I can remember her dropping me off in the mornings and I would sneak back out by the road to watch the tail lights on her brown corvette until she turned left and vanished. It was always an lonely feeling after she turned. The first two weeks of school I cried every single morning. Im pretty sure the first few days I cried all day long. Mrs. Knupp was probably so worn out by the end of the day because of me. Sorry Mrs. Knupp. I was known as the new girl and the girl that cries all the time. It was rough. But eventually I got over it. I started making new friends and I found my way. Today I find myself in the same situation, although there is a lot less anxiety (believe it or not...even though I talk about what an anxious person I am). But I have started going to church and I cry every single Sunday. To be completely honest with you, Im actually tearing up right now just thinking about it. Why? I have no idea. At first, I thought it was because I first started going when my Granny was sick and I felt so scared and vulnerable. And then we lost her. Every little thing made me miss her and I would cry. But now Im beginning to wonder if its Gods beauty and having mercy on my tired, weary, anxious soul. He was there the whole time. Even when I turned away and hated Him for making me the way he did. Believe me when I say, its a happy cry and not a sad cry. There is so much beauty in Gods love that its impossible to take it all in at once. It causes me to cry. To a person that has never experienced this, Im at a loss for words. I cant explain it. (I know, hard to believe) I hear Callies angelic voice sing about God and its more than I can take...every single time. The tears begin to flow and Im embarrassed. I wonder what people must be thinking. I wonder if Eric can see me crying, just as I do during a movie. I try to hide behind my long hair. I hope that Laynee or Chloe doesnt see me and ask, Are you crying AGAIN? I hate being the new girl, and even more than that, I hate being the girl that cries all the time. But I suppose if there is a public place to break down every single time you go, church is the place to do it! Maybe one day Ill get to the point where I dont cry every morning. Today was not that day. It was just like all the others since the middle of June. Thank you to my new church family for taking me in and loving me just the way that I am. Love, The new girl that cries all the time
Posted on: Sun, 28 Sep 2014 20:36:45 +0000
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