“The Next Step” Its been a good while since Ive last posted an update, so bear with me as I have much to share :) Over the last 3-1/2 months, Ive been taking Chemo #2 (Taxol, plus my Herceptin) weekly, so theres not been huge changes from week to week, but I finished up my last Taxol Wednesday, so its time to reflect, be thankful, and to celebrate!! Weve also been so blessed in several other ways, so its time to share and celebrate those life-changing events, too :D Blessing #1 of Chemo #2: Way kinder side effects than Chemo #1 :D As you all will recall, Chemo #1 about killed me... Not literally, but there were a few moments I would have rather been taken out to the back of the barn and put out of my misery than to deal with that one more time :P C#2, although with its many flaws, did not have me doubled over with unbearable nausea, and that, my friends, is a victory if ever there was one! Even though I had to take a couple of weeks off along the way to let my #s rebound (no Neulasta shots this round to perk up the WBCs), its still be WAY more tolerable than C#1! C#2 did, however, get a few licks in to my health and my ego: Side effects of C#2: desert-dry eyes, constant bloody mucus and drainage from my nose, ruined nails, weird skin texture, heartburn and hot flashes straight from the fiery pits of Hell, sleep cycle all out of whack (thank you, steroids... NOT!), gaining an unneeded extra 20 lbs (darn you steroids again for being so cruel and pizza for being so tasty!) being made a slave to the bathroom (thats made for some super interesting times, namely the Cracker Barrel incident), & last but not least, excruciating joint and muscle aches that I have aged me decades... You won those rounds, C#2, but I survived you and shall have the last laugh!! And as crappy as these side effects have been, I would still take them ANY day over Chemo #1, hands down. Blessing #2 of C#2: Losing my eyebrows and eyelashes This was more of a blessing-in-disguise as it was another loss that I had to grieve, just like with losing my hair back in February. I had asked God that if nothing else, He would spare my eyelashes, as they are my favorite step in my make-up routine ;) When they started to come out, I was immediately saddened, as my eye make-up is my favorite thing to put on plus its that finishing touch to your look (every woman reading this who wears make-up knows exactly what Im talking about). You dont realize what a difference eyebrows and eyelashes make to your appearance until you no longer have them... After looking like an alien for the past couple of months, I have a new found respect for those tiny little hairs :D And I cannot wait to be able to use my mascara again (oh, how Ive miss you, my love) :) While having them release one by one and wither away, I kept thinking, “God, I dont understand why You couldnt grant me this one little request... This one little piece of my dignity when I feel like I have so little left.” But, after being without them for 2 months and again, looking extraterrestrial, I have developed a level of understanding and empathy for ppl going through this that you cannot attain otherwise... and its beautiful. I know exactly what its like to be truly disheartened by what you see in the mirror—not a superficial, “my hair isnt laying right today” annoyance, but a true, deep-down, to-the-core sense of looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger looking back at you. But, God knew what He was doing... As I grew familiar with this new face, I realized just how little my appearance has to do with who I really am. Yes, we all spit the same ol tired crap of looks dont matter, but I TRULY get it now in a way that Ive never gotten it before. And it is true: some of the homeliest ppl (by societal standards) youll ever lay eyes on have the most beautiful heart
Posted on: Tue, 15 Jul 2014 13:27:43 +0000