The Saga of Donnie Melton’s Jeep for Bubba. Derrick and Kemper are the reigning Masters of Shenanigans. From a crazy man wearing a scuba mask and flippers watching them roller skating down the corridors of City Hall until he turned and walked back to whatever planet he came from, to getting fingerprint dust on all over the face of Judge Sawyer’s clerk. They were transferred back graveyard that day over that one. I’ve seen the manliest of men plead for their lives and offer a myriad of bribes to be taken off of the hit list. I saw a shift Captain hide in a corner of the Roll Call room when Dirty Dirk and Ronzo burst through the door. When he found out they were after Bootsie Rodgers he quit sweating and relaxed. They announced they had a fully enforceable contract with me and that I’d paid the full contract price of $.25 and Bootsie began to plead, beg, offer bribes, he tried to play on their sympathy, he almost began to cry. When they enforced that contract he was so relieved to know it wasn’t as bad as what they did to Donnie. Little did I know Dirk and Ronzo were up in ID one dark and dreadful night wondering how we can let the world know what a masterpiece we’ve created without letting them know we created it? Then a brainstorm…………let’s get Noodles to help us. Dirk and Ronzo on walkie talkie – 5S12 can you come by ID Negative, I have a juvenile to transport to the Juvenile Center on Spring St. Radio silence, so I went on about loading the suspect in the unit. I pulled out of the garage, left on Snow to Murphy and left on Murphy past City Hall. SCREECHING to a halt directly in front of Central Records. Almost broke the juvenile’s neck when he hit the safety screen in the back seat. Would you look at that? 5S12 to 16S12 go to channel 4 EVERYONE on the radio now goes to channel 4 to hear the juicy gossip, including the Dynamic Duo. 16S12 did you drive your Jeep to work tonight? 10-4 Did you park it on the top lot? 10-4 Did you park it next to a pine tree with the front end about 16’ off the ground? 10-9? I repeat the question Silence on channel 4, but on my talkie I hear channel 1 – 16S12 will be 10-19. Of course, every supervisor and radio operator already knew he was coming in……and he’d be coming in at light speed. Meanwhile, Dirk and Kemper are ecstatic. This plan to let Melton know without announcing their involvement had come to fruition in the best possible way because everyone could tell I was as bewildered as the next guy with what I was seeing. What had they done? You see, Derrick and Melton both owned a Wiley’s Overland Jeep. Since these were primarily Army vehicles the same key would operate many vehicles. And guess what? Dirk’s would operate Donnie’s. So, Dirk and Ronzo start up Donnie’s Jeep, drive it up to a pine tree by the sidewalk on Murphy. They take the winch cable, run it out, and throw it over a very high limb. Securing the hook to the cable they begin to winch the front end of the Jeep up that tree until the Jeep was almost perpendicular to the ground. Total retaliation for some innocent prank Melton pulled on Dirk sometime back. At least that’s Donnie’s version of the story. I continue my journey to the Juvenile Center at a snail’s pace. I mean I was going so slow I was braking the idle speed. I wanted to hear the outcome, not booking some idjit when all the fun was happening. VERY SHORTLY later – 16S12 to HQ, send ID to the top lot to process a crime scene 3 or 4 seconds go by and HQ responds (holding back the laughter) – 16S12, ID said they only process felonies. A VERY IRATE Donnie Melton - HQ, you tell ‘em there’s gonna be a homicide if they don’t get out here. Of course, they aren’t leaving the secure boundaries of ID, so Melton storms inside. He’s homicidal. He’s pulled his magnum and is reaching through slits in window pointing it around the corner at his two suspects. Dirk and Kemper are crawling on the floor of ID trying to get out of Melton’s line of fire, but are laughing so hard they can’t move. Melton finally retreats, Dirk and Ronzo live to scare the living hell out of more grown men, and the rest of us were crying we were laughing so hard and thinking it’s nights like this that make all the rest of this crap worthwhile. Personal Note: I feel sorry for all the LEO’s today that don’t get to enjoy such fun at work. The pranks we pulled on each other surely helped ease a whole lot of stress and heartache.
Posted on: Sun, 19 Jan 2014 02:38:31 +0000
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