The cry of my heart was, If I cant truly know God, I want nothing at all to do with Him. It was an ordinary evening. One like many of my nights off. Steph was at work. Hunter was spending the night with Bop Bop and Nana. Gracie was going to sleep with me. In fact, she was fast asleep as I laid down to read my book. I was reading a book entitled The Holiness of God by RC Sproul. I was getting a hold of anything and everything that I could that spoke about His holiness. God showed me a bit of holiness back in January of this year. He gave me a taste of Himself. That sparked, no, it set ablaze a desire like never before in my heart to truly know Him. I was tired of what I was seeing around me. Church and the routine of it was not satisfying me at all. I knew there was more to this thing we call the Kingdom. In my belly of bellies something was calling out as the bible says, Deep calls unto deep. I was so hungry I couldnt stand it. I wanted ALL there is to offer from God. Once He revealed His Holy nature to me, I was wrecked. Ive walked with God and Ive seen many things with Him, and away from Him. Ive seen Him heal people as I laid hands on them and prayed. Ive watched Him heal people in meetings where I ministered and no one laid hands on anyone. Ive seen cancer, fibro-myalgia, headaches, back pain and other pains go. Ive prophesied over people and years later see the fruit of those words come to pass. Ive had angelic visitations in my house. One time I saw 2 of them and they spoke to me, and the other time I knew they were there. They are brilliant, beautiful, powerful, glorious beings. They are HUGE and they do carry swords. They are magnificent to look at. They cant be described. They have to be encountered. They carry with their persons the very presence of God. As I laid in the bed reading about the holiness of God, my heart was earnestly seeking Him through the words of that book. It was my sole intention to encounter God like never before. Jesus said in the book of John that He and His Father would manifest themselves to us if we keep His commandments. (John 16) (Keeping His commandments is synonymous with living Holy.) I was taking in every word I was reading. I was focusing on Sprouls descriptive writing. I was captivated by the language he was using because it described my longing. Suddenly, I looked up. Something was different in my room. Then, I saw the atmosphere move, literally. The air literally waved and rippled. If youve seen the movie Predator with Arnold Schwartznegger, the alien in the movie would go into stealth mode and disappear but you could see him as he walked like he was leaving behind trails, that is what I saw. The atmosphere moved. There was no one there but there was someone there!? It/ He approached my side of the bed and stood there. I still could not see it but oh, I KNEW He was there!! Suddenly and without warning, my heart was gripped with a fear that I have never experienced. I felt Gods presence, but I was afraid. It was so intense that from the mid part of my head, just above where the spine is in my neck joining my skull, and down toward the middle part of my back, I could not move. It was as though I were paralyzed. All I could do is weep and ask God to forgive me. I knew and I still know that I was and I am right with God. But all I could do is cry out for forgiveness. This went on for about 10 to 15 minutes. Then, it lifted. I was normal again, but different. I laid there regaining my composure when I heard Him gently say, Come into the living room. I thought, Yes! Its cookies and ice cream time! But, boy, was I in for an encounter that has forever changed my theology and mind about what it means to fear God. I walked into the living room and I wasnt in there long enough to say to Him, Thank you Jesus, when a fear a million times more intense consumed every part of me. I was standing behind my couch when He revealed His true glory to me. It was His transcendent Holiness that He was manifesting. I felt as though I were dying. In fact, I wanted to die but I wanted everything in me to die, not just my flesh. I wanted to cease existing in my spirit and soul because of the sheer awe of His holiness and what it revealed inside me. It was so AWESOME I wanted to never have been born. I felt separated from God as a lost person, without hope, without God for a moment, that seemed like eternity. I could only ask for forgiveness and the forgiveness seemed to never come. Deep sobbing. Painful woes. Weeping from depths unknown. I cried out and sang the song How precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow. No other fount I know, nothing but the blood of a Jesus. Finally, relief came. I felt His presence immediately after this but sensed everything else as well. I struggled with this encounter for a few days. But He showed me scripture that confirms that He is a God to be feared. Jesus said But Ill tell you whom to fear. Fear God, who has the power to kill you and then throw you into hell. Yes, hes the one to fear Luke 12:5. Read Revelation 1:17, Daniel 10:7-12 and many others. The suffering was still there to show me what people would suffer once they died without Jesus. It is a darkness, an emptiness, a void that is utterly terrible. Imagine every fear you have bound up in a great gulf around you that eats at your soul, your mind, your heart...everything there is about you. Your helpless, hopeless, alone and lonely, utter darkness...fear and sorrow are your only companions and they torment you forever. He gave me this experience to tell people of the reality of separation from Him. It is not so much the flames of hell to be concerned with. It is separation from God, a HOLY God who requires His people to be HOLY. He answered my hearts cry. I have begun to TRULY KNOW Him and I want MORE! He is truly ALL-POWERFUL!
Posted on: Wed, 25 Jun 2014 15:52:22 +0000
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