The first chapter of RUNNING ON EMPTY on amazon: February 1964 Woodland, California If I was lucky I had about eight hours before my husband came home from work, but luck didn’t often visit me. Luck seemed to always be on Eddie’s side. He could come home anytime or not at all; I never knew. I was in a frenzy trying to pack my old station wagon with as much as I could cram into it. I had been planning my escape for weeks and tonight was the night. We had two vehicles, Eddie’s truck and an ancient Chevy station wagon. Eddie kept the key to the station wagon on his key ring and only gave it to me to go to the Laundromat, the grocery store, or to keep a doctor or some other appointment. He kept track of the mileage and also gave me a time limit to get to wherever I was going and back home again. I dared not exceed those boundaries. He worked rotating shifts for ACAN, the government communications center in Davis , California , as a communications specialist. This week it was the midnight to eight shift. I told him I had a doctor’s appointment for booster shots for our youngest child, Scottie, and I would need the car. Scottie was not quite two and couldn’t tell him any different. He told me not to expect him to watch the other kids, just as I knew he would. Our oldest child Nickie was in kindergarten and would not be home until 2:30 that afternoon. I told my little boy that I would not be home when he got off the bus but the door would not be locked and that he was not to be afraid because Daddy would be asleep in our bedroom. He was to eat the cookies I would leave him on the kitchen table wrapped in a clean dishcloth and then he could watch television until I got home. I cautioned him to be very quiet so Daddy would not wake up and he was to stay inside. I had already made arrangements with my sister Joan to take care of the other two. I would take Scottie with me. I dropped my four year old son Tony and my three year old daughter, Bambi, off at my sister Joan’s house in Woodland and headed for the bank. I had the passbook for our tiny savings account in my purse. It was in my husband’s name only and I would somehow have to convince the teller to give me $40.00 of the $44.00 balance. It would be the only money I had to make a new start for me and my children. I was literally stepping into an abyss with my kids on my back. My plan was to go to the bank just before closing on Friday so there would be no way he would know the money was gone until Monday at the earliest. I got there fifteen minutes before closing, I walked to the teller as calmly as I could, balancing Scottie on my hip and doing my best to act normal. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and see my pulse beating in my eyes. Oh God, please speak through me the words I need to help me do this. I laid the book on the counter and told her what I wanted. I had my driver’s license in my hand just in case and sure enough she asked for it and questioned the fact that the account was in someone else’s name. I told her that Eddie was my husband and he had opened the account a few months before when I was home with our sick children and I was to come in later and put my name on the account but I was just now getting around to doing this. Slow down, you are talking too fast! I was hoping my driver’s license with the correct address would be proof enough that I was Eddie’s wife. She stepped away with my license and the passbook to speak to another teller, they both looked at me and I just knew I was going to be arrested but she returned with a form for me to sign that added me to the account and a withdrawal slip to fill out. Thank you God! I walked slowly out of the bank and got into my car, I was shaking so bad that I could not get the key into the ignition and when I finally did, the car wouldn’t start. I sat for a moment then tried again, and again, on the third try the engine finally turned over and I made a beeline for my sister’s. I left the motor running while I gathered the kids together and put them in the back seat. We lived in a rented farmhouse on an isolated road about 5 miles outside of Woodland and as I drove home my concerns turned to Nickie and I prayed he had stayed inside. I was relieved to find him watching cartoons but to my surprise, Eddie was awake and sitting beside him on the couch. He told me never to be stupid enough to make an appointment again that late in the day when he was working nights and then held out his hand for the key. I handed him the key without speaking, I could tell by the sound of his voice he was daring me to say something, anything, instead I tried to stay as calm as possible while following my regular routine. I went into the kitchen and started dinner. When Eddie was home for supper, I tried to cook something I knew he would like. I did my best to keep everything under control. I made biscuits and while they were baking, I made a white sauce and opened a can of tuna to put with the sauce for creamed tuna. I had some green beans in the freezer that I had prepared from my father’s garden during the summer. Last, the ever present bowl of Jell-O. The kids liked Jell-O and it was cheap so we had it almost every night. Tonight it was orange. I dished up the meal, put the plates on the table and went into the family room to get the two babies and put them into their highchairs. The two little ones were only eleven months apart. “Irish twins” was an expression used about two babies born less than a year apart. I told the others to come along. I washed the hands of all the little ones and got them all settled. Eddie sighed deeply at the sight of the supper table but sat down and ate his meal quickly. He hated eating with the kids because it was messy and at least one of them was sure to spill their milk. He asked if I had to have Jell-O for every meal and not wanting to start an argument I said it was good for the babies and they loved it. He also asked if it would kill me to make a roast or pork chops occasionally, he knew all to well that with a weekly budget of $15.00 a week for six people; nice cuts of meat were not on the list. At that point one of the kids knocked over a cup, fortunately it was almost empty but it was all Eddie needed to explode. He yelled for me to clean up the mess as he grabbed his own plate and threw it into the sink. It was Melmac and though it didn’t break the movement and the noise scared the kids and as the two babies began to cry, the older two somberly kept their heads down as he stomped out of the room. I hugged the babies to stop their crying and blew silent kisses to the others. The less said the less chance of a full blown rage. They had already seen and heard too much for that night. After dinner, I bathed the children and read to them as I did every night. I would read as long as it took, it relaxed them, and me, and they dropped off one by one. I picked up the two little ones, one at a time and put them in their cribs. The older boys were already each in their own bed. They were good kids and getting them to sleep was easy. Eddie watched television and dosed off and on until he decided to take his bath and get ready for work. It was only nine o’clock and I knew he was not going to work this early but I said nothing. It would soon be over and the earlier he left tonight the better. I waited until I was sure he was in the tub before I went into the bedroom and eased the key ring from his pants pocket. I tried to move fast but it seemed to take forever to work the key from the metal ring. When I finally got it off, I put the other keys back into his pocket. I could hear the water swirling out of the tub and I quickly put the key into my mouth as I passed the bathroom door on the way to the kitchen where I spit the key into a glass of tea then put the glass in the refrigerator. I prayed he would not notice it was gone. If he found out what I had done, I knew it would be very bad for me but it all went well and as soon as he left I grabbed the phone and made a long distance call to Sacramento to my mother. I was not allowed to make long distance calls but I would not be here when the bill came in and I smiled a little at the idea. My teenage sister Linda answered the phone and told me Mother was not home, she had gone to Cohasset for the week-end to my brother’s mountain cabin. My mother’s best friend was staying with Linda for the week-end and Mother would not be home until late Sunday evening. After talking for a few minutes I hung up and sat for a moment trying to think what I should do now. Mother seldom went away and I had not planned an alternative. I decided to call my older brother Louie. Louie lived about an hour and half away in Walnut Grove. He was a deputy sheriff for Sacramento County and I had caught him just as he was leaving on patrol. I quickly explained what I was doing and why. He was surprised as the rest of my family would be; not because of how bad my marriage was but that I was finally leaving him. He told me to pack my car with everything I could get into it and he would be at my house at 7:00 a.m. to transport the children to Sacramento and what I hoped would be the safety of my mother’s house. The weather had turned nasty and it was windy with a light rain. As I backed my car up as close as I could get to the front door I was fearful of the rain falling harder and that we would lose power as we always did when it rained heavily. It would be a long night. I started in the babies’ room. I gently picked up my sleeping daughter and put her in the other crib with Scottie. Hers was the better of the two cribs and I began to take it apart. I put the pieces in the living room where I would pile everything and load up the car all at once. I folded the best playpen next and then added a highchair to the pile. I took only our clothing, a box of snapshots, the children’s baby books, medical records, a few books, all of the groceries in the cupboard and my personal effects. I also packed a box of toys. I would grab the milk and anything else that was in the fridge when Louie actually arrived. By the time I was ready to load the car, it was raining heavily. I prayed the power would not go out and I would not have to work by the headlights on the car. By the grace of God, the lights stayed on. There really wasn’t much but when I put it all together it filled up the station wagon and the passenger side of the front seat. After I got safely away, I would come back later for the furniture and household goods. It took me several hours to pack it up and move it to the car and I was soaking wet when I finished. I realized that I had no dry clothes to change into. All of my clothes fit into a paper grocery bag and that was tucked away in the car. I took off my clothes and put on an old shirt of Eddies and a pair of his socks. I stood there for a moment and looked at the contents of the closet. His shirts and sweaters hung in a neat row along with his pants. He had a nice cashmere jacket and extra shoes. When I asked once for a few dollars to buy some clothes for myself, he told me I didn’t need anything because no one saw me way out here anyway. He told me he needed nice clothing for himself for work. I bought my clothes and the children’s at the thrift shop in town and fortunately for my boys, I had two nephews that passed down their clothing to them. I spread my wet clothes near the stove to dry then sat down to wait for Louie where I fell asleep almost immediately. I woke up with a jerk as I heard a car drive into our gravel driveway. It was daylight outside and as I ran to the window I prayed; Lord please let it be Louie. It was and I threw on my dry clothes and woke the kids and dressed them quickly, giving them toast and orange juice before we left. I would feed them properly when we reached my mother’s home. Louie would follow me in his squad car with the children. I told him the old car was acting up so we decided to take the back roads all the way just in case I had a breakdown. As we pulled out my German Shorthair Pointer, Kieta (Keta), stood in the driveway with a look on her face that said, “Hey, you are forgetting me.” Tears welled up in my eyes as I silently promised, I will be back to get you. As we drove away, I felt alone and more than a little scared but at the same time, exhilarated. I was free, actually free! I knew I would never return. I made that vow to myself when I formed this plan. NEVER, EVER! I would never return to the man that had lied to me, cheated on me, and abused me. All trust and respect was gone forever. I was alone with my thoughts as my mind drifted back over the last decade and how I came to be in this place in my life……
Posted on: Thu, 19 Sep 2013 03:20:27 +0000
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