The golden key to better relationships is the acceptance of differ- ences. In our parents’ day everyone accepted that men and women were different, but the culture changed to the other extreme of there being no differences. ❖ A woman aims to improve a man, but a man only wants acceptance. Her unsolicited advice is never welcomed, being interpreted as nega- tive criticism. Rather than presenting a problem to a man, which is often taken to mean that he is the problem, a man should be approached as if he may embody the solution. Men are focused on their competence and if they cannot solve problems they feel as if they are wasting their time. Women, on the other hand, actually like to discuss problems even without a solution in sight, because it gives them the all-important chance to express their feelings. ❖ Women are like waves, rising to peaks, falling into troughs, then back up again. Men must know that the trough time is when women need men most. If he is supportive and does not try to get the woman out of the trough immediately, she feels validated. In order to be motivated a man must feel needed—but a woman must feel cherished. ❖ Men alternate between the need for intimacy and the need for dis- tance. Men’s going away into their “cave” is not a conscious deci- sion but is instinctive. Women who don’t know about the need for the cave and seek constant intimacy will see relationship turmoil. Like a rubber band, a man needs to stretch—but will usually spring back. ❖ Arguments quickly descend into hurt feelings about the way a point is being made, rather than its content. It is the uncaring sound of the point being made that is upsetting. Men do not see how much their comments hurt and provoke, because they focus on “the point.”
Posted on: Sat, 13 Jul 2013 19:28:31 +0000
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