The hardest part about breaking up with a narcissist is realizing that the entire relationship was a sham. You were involved not with him, but with a mask. While youre still with him, you keep wanting to believe in the show, you keep thinking back to how good it seemed to be at the beginning, about the relationship he kept promising you... But when you finally break up, the reality of everything comes crashing down on you. Youre not sad, youre pissed! You realize that he used you, exploited you, messed with your head, tore down your self-esteem, sucked the life out of you, and you cant believe it. If youre at this stage, and looking for advice, the one thing I can say is that no matter how angry you are, you should just cut your losses and walk away. He will never admit that he exploited you. He will continue to excuse, minimize, and defend what he did. He might even continue to blame-shift and will leave you defending yourself from ridiculous accusations (and he probably enjoys watching it because when you defend yourself, hes getting narcissistic supply). He will never see what you see or realize the extent of the damage he has done to you over the years. And he doesnt care. Its useless to try to make the lightbulb go on for him, and trying to do it will make you waste even more emotional energy on him when this is the precise time you need all of the strength you can muster. When you leave a narcissist, you finally realize that you were fooled from the beginning, and as events replay in your mind, youre going to start to feel worse and worse as the reality of it all hits you. You were just narcissistic supply for him. He does not nor did he ever care about you as a human being; he only saw what you could give him and what you could do for him. He played you and manipulated you from the start. Youre going to get madder and madder. But dont waste your time on him anymore. Youve given him enough NS and your anger will only feed him. Channel it into something thats good for you. Easy to say, hard to do, but every time you contact him, youll feel worse, and youll realize that hes only going to keep tearing you down. After a while, instead of being angry at him, you might get angry at yourself for letting yourself get fooled and for putting up with a destructive situation. It might deeply sadden you to realize that you gave yourself to someone who didnt love you and that you lost yourself in the process. You will be tempted to go to him to reclaim what youve lost, but he doesnt have it so he cant give it back to you. He didnt take your sense of self-worth. He never thought you were worth anything to begin with, and after being treated like that for so long, you started to believe it. How can you get your sense of self-worth back from someone who considers you to be worth nothing? You have to find your sense of self-worth yourself. Breaking up with a narcissist is the beginning of a long, tiresome journey to reclaim yourself, to build your self-esteem back up and to find the person you were before you met him. It takes an overwhelming amount of work to shake off every dirty speck of the narcissist. But once youve broken up, youve started on that journey, and when youve made it down the road a ways, youll look back and thank your lucky stars that hes out of your life. Youll see everything for exactly what it was, and even that stuff you think you miss at the first--the caresses, the smiles, the laughs--will all repulse you for how self-serving you realize they all were.
Posted on: Thu, 28 Aug 2014 15:26:44 +0000