The last few weeks have been a blur. I cant tell you how hard it has been to watch my mom - the most amazing woman I know - decline over the last few weeks. We keep thinking (and hearing) that itll be in the next week and yet, she is still hanging on. Today she told me only one more day of this and itll be over. I was suppose to work today at the hospital and was going to spend the day with her Tuesday and Wednesday but after hearing that, I knew I couldnt keep it together at work so I called in sick... again. Hopefully I still have a job. The mottling on her feet gets worse every day and Ive never seen such swollen bluish-purple toes on someone still alive - only those who come into the ER after a cardiac arrest & unknown down time. She is probably only taking in about a cup of fluids per day and her breathing seemed to be changing today too so I dont think it will be more than a handful of days... I hope... its so hard to see her suffer. Yesterday Maddy went with me to see her and it was heart-wrenching to watch her read Nana the book she had written about her. When it was time to go, she sat on the edge of the bed and gently hugged her, resting her head on Nanas chest as she told her how she loves her SO much, that she doesnt want her to die, and doesnt know what shell do without her. All my mom could say was Awwww, I love you, too, sweetheart. I was already sobbing but that put me over the edge. I am beginning to think my mother-in-law was right when she told me that there is nothing harder than losing your mom.
Posted on: Mon, 13 Oct 2014 10:53:27 +0000
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