The last few years have been a roller coaster to say the least.. I have and lost too many, some walked away.. others came back.. emotionally it has been devastating, educating, rewarding, fulfilling, and shown me downright despair like never known. The irony of that despair is; it is in that darkness where I found the most humility, grace and beauty... I am no longer scared of that darkness... I now embrace it as I always did the light... it is in those darkest hours where you begin to heal and rejuvenate and grow... if you dont let it consume you.. It was when I stopped loving me at the expense of loving others that I lost sight of the truth. It was all the time I spent worrying about others when I could have been working on me... I had started my process of healing several times, but somewhere I got lost or lazy along the way.... My intention to love was actually blocked by my ego’s need to seek validation and praise... In the quiet and the stillness of that darkness, I closed my eyes and began the journey to find the greatest gift of all to give to me — myself.....Today I experience self-love as a process that begins with a shift from recognizing when I am heart centered as opposed to being centered in the mind... and focusing on the balance of both.. It is a process where one actualizes acceptance and release from the ego... and stops letting fear and self loathing control life and emotion.. As I return from the darkness, it is from a place of great humility, personal grace and the acceptance of triumphs and failures, my flaws, my strengths and who I am to me.. the difference is this time it is not thru the eyes of another..I was able to see it with a new pair of glasses... not basing my self-worth on a third party opinion that doesnt truly know me.. I return to my reality with nothing to prove, only a deep desire to trust in a new way of loving myself and opening up to those capable of returning that love... Love is not an obsession. Love is not a possession or the pursuit of possessing any one person or people... and you dont always have to give to show love.. be tender and supportive, but never forgetting that part of loving yourself is giving into your own needs (with some treats to spoil yourself) and conveying those needs to the ones we love.. True love fuels a sense of freedom and joy. It is a process of intimate liberation between two people who selflessly but selfishly connect and strive for a life together as individuals ... I post this today in hopes that maybe I might be able to shed light for any other Love Junkies out there like myself.. I always thought addicted to love was just a song.. but it is a real addiction just like any street drug.. a special thanks to those who tried to stand beside me thru this.. I needed to do it by myself this time, but the love I felt will never be forgotten.. the revival nearly complete... gotta love the spring :)
Posted on: Fri, 02 May 2014 09:24:20 +0000
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