The never ending lose……. Even after preparing for this for many, many years, when it comes, it’s a crushing blow….It could be a brother or a sister or a friend, even a best friend. It’s a pet, one that you’ve had since its beginning, that you’ve cared for more than anything and has always showed you un-ending love that most humans could never come close to matching…But the loss of a parent is, without a doubt, the worst grief a person can endure. Some people can get through these days faster and better than others, but, deep inside, it remains. That incredible loss, knowing that the person most responsible for everything that is you, is gone from your life. Never again to talk to you, to comfort you. To share laughter and tears with you. To hold you when needed, and offer advice, always the right advise, when you need it most…..Strength is all in the mind. It has nothing to do with physical stature, or size, or muscle…It’s mind over matter, always has been…..With great loss, because we’re human and therefore fallible, some of us will adjust and continue on with our lives better than others. Others will need more time and maybe some help along the way. And that’s where friends and family need to step in a fill that heart wrenching void, that will never go away. We’ll do the best we can and hope for the best….. And then there’s faith…. And/or, a Higher Power…..we all need to lean on someone,…..or something. To my mind his look was one of worry and concern, not for himself or what lay just ahead for him, but for me and those he was to leave behind. Although I know that this thinking is totally impossible because of his disease, I just wanted to believe for my own sanity….We all know of course that this is how it ends for everybody eventually, but it’s a normal human desire to want to spare those left behind the pain of the lost loved one….I looked into his milky, distant eyes as they stared aimlessly at me. His reality had been lost many years before along with his memory and finally his ability to even utter a sound of any kind. All that remained was the look he was giving me right now…..But even with all the humanly capabilities gone, I know he retained the most important thing in his life. His faith and his love for his God. That had been with him since he was a young child….What I find difficult to understand, he had fully embraced decades ago. His faith had made my acceptance of his horrible illness much easier for me. For as hard as it was to watch this incredible human being with his life time of talents and experiences slowly fade away, letting him go sooner rather than later not only was more humane it was the right thing on a spiritual level…..He believed so strongly that even though everything else was gone for him, I was sure that his faith was so seared into him that he must have been in Gods’ presence as we spent our last moments together. He shared but one tear with me at the end. Just his eyes and a solitary tear….He had his God, Jesus Christ himself, behind that stare. And he got there through blind faith…. This might be a learning lesson for me, although it will take as long as it’s supposed to take. There is no time table for something this important…. To all those who have lost,……..you are not alone.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 02:59:23 +0000
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