The past. Then onto what the last year has been. 33 Steps. August is SMA awareness month - this is our story. Gina was asleep at the other end of our 1200 square foot, overpriced, Brooklyn Brownstone apartment. I walked slowly after catching my breath from learning Ruby had SMA, though my heart was still beating fast and I was dreading what I was about to do. For a moment, I wondered if I could just not tell her, and just keep saying that I hadnt heard - just give her a little time to be blissful about Ruby. I knew she wouldnt be happy about that, but I considered it for a split second. I opened our bedroom door. Ruby was still asleep. I walked around to Ginas side of the bed, and sat down. Our room was small and filled mostly by our king bed - a remnant of the time of plenty in Rochester. She opened those big green eyes and looked at me, awoken by the force of me sitting down. She rolled over and knew what was behind my eyes. She said only one, heavy, guttural, sinking NOOOO. I grabbed her and pulled her close to me. Her eyes buried into the place where my neck and shoulder met, and I could feel the tears rolling down my back and chest. She wasnt comfortable and I felt like she was trying to escape, not my grasp, but, my news, our news. I was out of comforting thoughts or comments to share. I was out of explanations and saving graces. I was out of silver linings. I managed to say something to the affect of maybe having each other will be better. I didnt believe a word of it. We held each other tightly for about five minutes, until Ruby woke from hearing the sobs. Two people in love probably hug thousands of times in a lifetime. In a million lifetimes, I could never forget this one, the sound, this woman that I couldnt rescue anymore, and that pain. This. is. SMA.
Posted on: Sat, 02 Aug 2014 16:57:52 +0000