The pitch in my mind: 42 different assassins have been dispatched by Lord Smythington-Dunleavy of the British Admiralty with one command, and one command only ringing in their ears: Kill Hitler by any means necessary! Brad Pitt as the flashy Gypsy King and his followers, including Chereze Theron, Jack Black, and Pam Grier, Elijah Wood as Daffy Duck, Charles Bronson as the aging Lone Wolf, who gets saddled with The Kid, played by Jackie Chan, Ian McKellen as Crandolf the Warlock, and the cast of Scooby-Do as the French Underground are just a few of the assassins headed to Berlin/Berghof to end The Fuhrers reign. Some of the methods include: drowning in a lava pool during a free Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes Hawaiian vacation, being drawn and quartered, werewolf, high intensity radar, Russians, D-Day, moths, Native American rain-dance, kindness, an early version of Night Ranger, impotent rages, The Battle of the Bulge, blunderbuss, poisoned kale, fake lion tamer, lion, pool cue, Russians again, tied to railroad track, and a Rube Goldberg contraption ending with a Thompson sub-machine gun during a crazy weekend in Vegas. Who actually reaches the bunker and takes out Eva, Adolph and Blondi(played by Queen Latifa, Woody Allen, and Rex the Wonder Dog) is the movies hook, showing multiple killers converging on Berlin and the bunker at the same time, with quick juxtapositions between simultaneous events. Were talking to Guy Ritchie, but Uwe Boll. Paul Verhoeven, and Michael Bay have expressed interest. We can shoot it in Vancouver where its cheaper, and use CGI to make it look like Berlin. Weve got financing lined up from the JDL, Focus on the Family, and Jerry Seinfeld, and are in talks with the Simon Wiesenthal foundation. Wed really like to have you play an aging Gertrude Stein during her one disastrous Bob Hope U.S.O. appearance, Ms. Madonna. Clearly, mine is the better movie by far.
Posted on: Tue, 20 May 2014 19:34:57 +0000
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