The rapid white water ride of 2014 is close to over ( although it may continue round the bend into 2015!) Years are funny things arent they? This one for me has been full of so many ssss... Shocks, surprises, shedding, succeeding, scattering, succumbing, sadness, sacredness, scariness, scarcity, sorrow, solitariness. and ccccs too!.... chaos, confusion, challenge, consolidation, confirmation, conclusion, cracking, creating, clarity. Ssss and cccs .... Seas.....White water rapid rides, oceanic depths, infinite wide open expanses of possibilities, diving in with no life jacket, with no shore in sight, letting go of the one you just left because you just know you have to, not necessarily because you want to. As you swim there are times that the sea is so rough, you become so tired that you just cant go on anymore, then something just happens, the tiredness overtakes and forces you let go. Suddenly you feel the support keeping you up all around you and you wonder why you struggled for so long, all becomes brighter, calmer and the possibilities that you can see twinkling in the distance are the most beautiful new clearest most peaceful, amazingly right and bright twinkles, twinkles of lands you would never have discovered if you hadnt let go... And then the night rolls in, the sea rises and grows dark, the fear of the unknown engulfs you, waves of insurmountable emotion crash over your head and stop you from breathing momentarily, your feet desperately kicking in a futile attempt to find just one little bit of earth beneath your feet, just for a second, just for a little bit of security. A break. Please. Not knowing how far you are from landing, but knowing you have come too far to turn back. And why would you want to? When you do see the amazing expansiveness of what lies before you, when you feel in your heart you becoming you, revealing one incredibly beautiful gem that shines so bright within that you find your own inner lighthouse, the beams reach so far into your dark, crooked rocks and lighten up all the messy jagged sharp corners of your life you just thought you had to stay away from and suddenly they look like they have transformed, bare wastelands that you thought were permanently dead, just pushing up daisies, emerging into lands of paradise, and you know wherever you go, whatever you do, you will be okay, you will be more than okay, because living like this means that you will. I have been in this sea all year practically, since February when Cornwall was battered by huge gigantic waves, the storm may have stopped externally but it raged on within, seas of mighty change, where holding on just means you will go under. Externally I have shed weight and some layers of defence although there is definitely more to go I know the rate of the shedding has been majorly dramatic and I see it mirrored back to me by the shifts in relationships close to my heart, and the one to myself. Externally I am also shedding huge parts of how I work. Last Sunday was the last AstroTarot, This Sunday Today I taught my last Psychic Development workshop for Gateway Workshops. It was (as ever) such a wonderful group and beautiful way to spend the day, there is something so special about spending a day with a mix of strangers and people you have grown with, sharing on the level which that type of workshop creates the space for that I will miss like missing someone in your heart.I created that workshop and I have taught it regularly for five years and the experiences within it just never cease to amaze me, I have always felt so blessed to have that as part of my job and I feel like this year has just demanded another part of me to turn to dust... Next Sunday I teach my last ever workshop for Gateway at Mysteries, and when I walk away, I will be walking away from both. Mysteries has been SUCH a BIG part of my life, as a reader, as a teacher, where I had my first book launch, the first place I saw my book on the shelves, the first time I taught channelling or created an astrotarot speed dating event! The first time I read for celebrities or millionaires, the first time I read for brand new souls, or massively old ones. I love the twisty glittery, creaky stairs, going up and down and around the bend, the quirkiness, the magical synchronicity that hangs in the air there just seems to rival itself with the bermuda triangle! The walking in the waiting room to collect your client and just being able to connect again so deeply with a complete stranger or someone you have grown deeply with over the years- and never knowing until you get right there which it will be. I have the upmost respect for Sue Bailey the owner of Gateway and I dont say things like that lightly and Mysteries - well Ive been there eight years - never been anywhere eight years!! A HUGE part of my heart and soul has been entwined and its a wrench, whenever I have left work before its had my heartstrings pulled, but this is much more than heartstrings. So much wrenching, so much growing, this year has just repeatedly showed me its time for a solitary path, my way of working no longer fits anywhere but within my own soul. Through all the shedding I have found something so beautiful and amazing it needs space to emerge. Theres no guarantees - and there is no ignoring it either....
Posted on: Sun, 07 Dec 2014 23:40:30 +0000