The several weeks have been tough on me mentally. With getting a job and the constant thoughts of suicide that followed after the first week of having that job. The struggle of getting up in the morning and thinking is it really worth it? And crying while I walk to work because this is not something that I want to do for much longer. Dealing with shitty costumers that yell at me because I cant understand them while there is a room filled with people talking and they are barely speaking over a whisper. Not to mention I have a hearing lost. The constant fear of messing up. Adding social anxiety to having a job where you have to be around people constantly and talking to them makes life so much worse for me. Lets mention how my boss made me work while I had a low blood sugar. Many different times. After the third time I got tired of arguing with her and just kept drinking the sugary soda, making my blood sugar extremely high because I feared that I would pass out without doing that. There was the night that I decided to take all of my leftover Valium and Norco(?), from when I broke my pelvis, causing me to vomit the next morning and call into work. I quit my job because of reasons. I tried to get help but all I got was a prescription for Celexa and a bus token home. Im currently at my brothers house, not knowing what to do. Im sad. Im feeling hopeless. I really dont know what to do. I refuse to work in food again. And the constant negativity I have been getting for leaving Athena hasnt been helping me. I just need help and I dont know where to go to get it. I dont know why Im posting this but I feel the need to do it. If you feel the need to comment something negative, dont. I will delete it because I dont want a shit storm in the comments.
Posted on: Sun, 28 Sep 2014 08:26:30 +0000
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