The silent treatment is a technique of torture. This may sound hyperbolic, but human beings need (on the most basic level) recognition of their existence. The withholding of this recognition, especially if protracted, can have soul-warping consequences on personality. (Just consult attachment theory for proof of this.) It is deeply disturbing to be silenced (stonewalled), especially by someone you love, or someone you believe (or want to believe) loves you. The silent treatment aims, therefore, to exploit a very deep, elemental vulnerability. Understandably it is the kind of vulnerability from which one desperately wants relief. And the controlling, abusive silencer holds the cards — he can provide relief by deciding if, and when, to reinstate his recognition of your existence. My sociopath would give me a 72 hours silent treatment. After a few months of his silent treatment punishments I began to find a rhythmic pattern of about 3 days then he would bring me back into his good graces. (I wonder now, looking back if he actually set a timer to how long the punishment would last) However, like many abusers, he may require something of you first–namely, your capitulation. From the silencers perspective, capitulation may involve his metaphorically bringing you to your knees, meaning he may demand that you appeal to, plead for and/or beg his forgiveness as a condition of his readmitting you into his good graces. As noted, you may feel coerced into admitting something you didnt do, say or mean. This, after all, is how false confessions occur: the accused feels so exhausted, dis-empowered and helpless to be heard against the monolithic accuser that, simply to escape the hell of being disbelieved, she relents (and confesses).
Posted on: Tue, 12 Nov 2013 15:38:10 +0000
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