The sister in Australia has holy eyes. She sees my heart! I did not tell her anything about controlling lg, anything about myself, other than happily traveling here! But she sees my anxious inside! The Lord must have sent her to me, for she opened my eye! She taught me today, that bitterness spreads, and he opened up to her, and told her his bitterness in his heart from young age, though he said he understand his mother did this for him to have better education. I can hear, his soul is very much tortured from this experience! He always told me all his anger is because I am not good enough, so I never looked into the darkness in his heart! He has a very dark and small,heart toward me, unless I criticize myself daily, criticize any one near him daily that acts different than him and make him feel small. but not his mother. Even if what his mother do, gave him many years of tortured life, he thank her for she enables him a good education, he said! I was also unhappy when my mother send me to my father for better education in shanghai. So pathetic, my mother send me from Wenzhou to shanghai, while his mother send him from hebei to Wenzhou!that,s why he said we are two bitter melon when we married! I did not feel bitter when I married!but his bitterness put me down daily! I never thought about left him, for I had a crush with him when I was second grader, and I got pregnant two month after married. I talked about my bitterness all the time, until is forgive, but he never! He never admit, how it harmed him from his mother,s action. While he talked about bitterness from the beginning of marriage! I was never a good doctor, while what he needs is a cure!and I myself needs to be cured too. He carried his bitterness so heavy, he refused to admit, and he will never forgive! I will cure him, for the sake of my kids, and for the sake of The Lord!for The Lord cured me. I will not his tool of venting his bitterness any more, I will be his medicine! He is sick, not me! He does not know he is sick. I have to point it out to him, when ever he gets angry at me, and have no fear! He push me down! When I wants to point his bitterness toward me! I work, you don,t! Other woman are better than you, youre sick mentally, etc, are all means he use to show he is right, I am wrong. He can always say a lot of things to prove he is right, even if they are not facts. He make up facts in his minds to prove himself right! He talks with strong,logic. He is mathmatician, logic is his precession! No one can reason with him, and not be reasoned instead! Friends take me to doctors, saying, yes, you,re mentally sick, it,s all you! Who triggered so many bitterness at home! While I have seen doctors on his request already. I will go, if any one ask me to! But he never does! I thank all doctors in Kansas, who point me out the right way. Either endure, or leave! But I always hope that with the power of lord, he will change. I have to change my ways first! No fear! No fear! No fear! No more fear! Who cares about outer fears? While all point fingers at us! One point finger at us, every one point finger at us! Who sees the fear inside us, who sees the anxious inside us? This sister from Australia sees it, I met her for five minutes, and she sees it! How odd! Her husband is very successful, earn big bucks, also Christian. But she sees my inside, she said she feels it, feels that I have something that I can not talk out!i do not want to talk about my problems in berlin, while no one knows me here. But people who know me, don,t see me. She sees me! She has the eye of The Lord! Though I feel when she talks, she does not have good logic as I . But she has this gift of seeing! I have the gift of seeing too now. I see people , even if they are not telling! I found out I go into some sister,s heart, very deep! Though I can not help them more! Lord, I wish I have your ability! So I can heal, mentally and physically. Protect myself, and sisters.and my kids from harm. But I know I will never have this ability. Only you have! Lord, heal us! Lord, give me your hand!
Posted on: Mon, 03 Feb 2014 03:33:04 +0000
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