The social relationships of borderline patients – and especially their partnerships – are obviously also a non-stop roller coaster ride: since those concerned continuously alternate between their partner’s overwhelming idolization and equally strong debasement (he/she is either the world’s best partner or a total asshole) it is incredibly difficult for them to maintain lasting relationships. During arguments the borderliner often loses control of his/her behavior resorting to insults, which the partner can barely tolerate. Frequently short term paranoid- or skewed perceptions of reality also play a role: In those situations the partner who has no idea what he/she has done to deserve them, out of a clear blue sky is heaped with accusations of infidelity or other transgressions. The more he/she attempts to defend him/herself, the more the borderliner persists in his/her belief and finally the situation escalates to the point when the other partner knows no other way but to become aggressive him/herself or leave the house slamming the doors – for the borderliner naturally only more “proof” that his/her suspicions had been correct all along . . . Now you are probably thinking, “Who in the world would put up with a relationship like that?!” I totally agree, that is obviously a fascinating question. At the latest after their borderline partner‘s second totally inappropriate blowup most people would probably tap their forehead and get the heck out of dodge. Still, many borderline patients live, and not just in short lived relationships! A very interesting book I recently discovered for myself, intensively deals with the personality of people who – and often repeatedly – fall in love with borderliners and even stay with them for good: “When loving hurts” (so far only available in German, sorry!). The author is Manuela Rösel, psychologist and pedagogue in Berlin who has lots of experience with borderline-patients. Among others, she identified the following characteristics their partners have in common: a disposition for altruistic surrender combined with the compulsion to make others happy at their own expense an inability to recognize their own needs exaggerated indulgence perfectionism and extreme commitment (associated with the idea that “love must be earned”), the inability to make mistakes or to fail the inability to set clear boundaries and to defend them the conviction that nothing one does on one’s own is good enough exaggerated sense of responsibility and conscientiousness extending as far as the helper-syndrome (“I must save him/her from him/herself”). Source: Felicitas Heyne ~Bo F
Posted on: Thu, 13 Mar 2014 07:20:49 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015