The sudden death of Robin Williams is a tragedy but it has also started a dialogue about depression which I am thankful for. Depression has been popularly understood and portrayed as mere sadness and darkness of emotions but this understanding only manages to scratch the surface. (disclaimer: The following is my own thoughts and opinions based on my experiences. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in 2006 and I was taking antidepressants for 2 years following my diagnosis. I cannot and will not make sweeping generalizations about depression as it would be an insult to others who also suffered from it) Depression isnt about being sad. It isnt about feeling that the world is against you. During my bouts with depression, I wasnt sad per se. Rather, I was just tired. The things that I used to enjoy like playing the guitar, video games or books didnt have its usual appeal. Waking up, all I wanted was to just sleep again and let the day pass. I didnt feel that the world was against me, but I felt so small, so worthless. There wasnt anger, only apathy, helplessness, and ennui. When I would go out with my friends, Id go through all of the routines, the rituals. Id laugh at their jokes, Throw a couple of my own, trade sarcastic remarks and humorous insults but when I got home, there is crushing sense of emptiness. A feeling that you are stuck in an endless cycle. The future isnt dark because it is an unhappy future, it is dark because there is no future to see. Ive had my fair share of suicidal thoughts and I was lucky enough that there were people who were there to support me in my darkest moments. The stigma against depression and mental diseases in general also compounded the issues I faced at that time. Upon learning that I was taking meds, invariably, the response would be depression? hindi ka naman mukhang malungkot ah, or anong nangyari sa iyo? bakt may sayad ka na? However, the most insensitive remark i heard was wala yan bro, lilipas din yan. It wont. Depression is an every day struggle during my worst bouts. The irony is that I knew I was depressed. I knew that i had to do something about it, to fight against the lethargy, the helplessness, the boredom. But it is not easy to do so. It is a herculean effort at times. I understand that my description sounds vague, but until now, I still cannot find the words to properly describe what it is to go through depression. It took years before I managed to clear my way through the worst but that does not mean that i am depression-free. There are still moments every once in a while but now, I know how to handle myself and I know that there are people that I can talk to. Most of the people I know who have been diagnosed with depression, myself included, wouldnt be out of place in normal society at first glance. They could even be the life of the party or in a position of power. However, behind the smile and the laughter is a person who isnt just sad, but tired, joyless and in pain. To those who know of people like these, dont turn a deaf ear to their requests to just hang out. When they become serious and speak freely of their inner thoughts, just listen. there is no need to lighten the situation. More often than not, all they would want is for someone to listen to them to know that there are people who are there for them. To those who suffer depression, know that you are not alone. The world, in all its bitterness and cruelty, still has shining spots of hope and love. Dont be afraid to lower your walls and pour your emotions out to the people that you love for they will listen to you. Lastly, I know that the road to recovery isnt easy. Hell, difficult would be an understatement at times, but take heart and know that there is always a light at the end of the long, dark, and dreary tunnel There is no off switch for depression, but by taking it one step at a time, there will come a day when you would turn around and realize that the demon riding on your shoulder is already gone. Have faith, be strong, be kind to those who do not understand the depths of your pain, and always remember, You. Are. Not. Alone.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:58:17 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015