Theofalus Downes was uh ingrunt man; let me tell wunnuh dat up front. UH SICK HEAD. Recently I hear dat he was in some district hospital and he had recently celebrated he hundredth birthday and de governor general had visited he and how he did talking bout all de good things God do fuh he. I had tuh laugh at dat. Dat man in he younger days was suh wicked even de devil use tuh avoid he when he in uh vicious mood. I personally don’t no how he get tuh live suh long. I feel it was fuh he tuh reap retribution and sufferation for all de wickedness he do. He wife Tellmuh use tuh call he TD, but Theofalus had several other nicknames that nuhbody wood call he by any uh dem tuh he face, except de nickname TEK DAT! Words he wood shout out when he throw de first lash in ya backside wid he bull pissle or he guava stick. And I must add he was ambidextrous – meaning he could use both hands equally the same. Tek Dat was uh man who wood beat ya just because he din like de shirt or de pants ya did wearing; if he see ya eating something that he want he wood beat ya and tek it from ya. Sometimes he din need nuh reason tuh beat ya. If he reflected dat he din beat anybody fuh uh while he wood just chose somebody nearby and beat dem. Now Tek Dat only occupations were gambling and thiefing. Apart from dat he hobbies did eating, drinking and beating people. And he did only love t’ree people in all he life – he self, he wife and he six year old granddaughter Velmuh who was also he daughter. Wunnuh old enuff tuh understand wha I just said – I doan have tuh spell it out. Tek Dat wood get up early evuh day, help he wife pack she hawker’s basket, carry it tuh de bus stop so she could head town early tuh sell she fruits, vegetables and ground provisions – usually things Tek Dat thief from thru out de village and nearby districts. He wood then head back home and tek de grand daughter tuh de nearby primary school and fuh de rest uh de day he wood travel from Bathsheba tuh Bridgetown, Penny Hole tuh Pie Corner looking fuh any gambling hole or fuh some victim tuh choke and rob. Whenever he find uh gambling game and de pot get really big he wood accuse somebody uh theifing and tek up all de money and beat at least two uh the other gamblers, even sometimes some uh the spectators just fuh de fun. If he couldn’t find uh gambling game, he wood resort tuh choking and robbing some innocent person he meet. Tek Dat wasn’t de type tuh discriminate when it come tuh choking and robbing anybody. It did rumoured dat he wood do certain despicable and embarrassing things tuh dese victims who wood be suh horrified and ashamed they wood not report de incidents tuh de police. Actually he choked and robbed several police demselves and dey din report it nedda; so Tek Dat got away wid all uh he crimes. But one day – actually it was uh night. De rain did falling most uh de day and he wife tho had gone town tuh sell de few things she had. It was coming on tuh Christmas, so evuh body did looking fuh uh few coppers tuh buy up big fuh Christmas. And because de rain did falling so cruel de whole day, and had he stick up in de house Tek Dat did real cruel dat he in get uh chance to rip off uh gambling game or choke and rob anybody. As usual he wood left he grand daughter ovuh at de next door naybah and about six-thirty he wood guh cross de road tuh meet he wife at de bus stop. Tellmuh wood normally ketch the last bus at seven-thirty which wood get by de bus stop near eight o’clock; by dat time Tek Dat wood usually choke and rob two people at least. But two tings happen dat change de course uh he life dat night. Tellmuh ketch the six-thirty bus and most people dat he wooduh probably choke and rob was off de road because uh de heavy rain. As soon as Tek Dat get pon de main road and duck down in de bushes tuh wait fuh he first victim, de rain started tuh pour down again, he had tuh hide unda some eddo leaves but dat din matter he get he backside soak. When de six-thirty bus reach de village, de rain did pouring down so Tellmuh and Godfrey de postman who was usually drunk ask de bus driver to drop dem off by de shop tuh shelter. All dis time outside getting darker and darker and Tek Dat waiting and shivering unda de eddo leaves, ready tuh pounce pon anybody who pass. Well de rain begin tuh ease up and drunken Godfrey pull he shirt collar ovuh he head and head up de road; Tellmuh too frighten tuh stand day by she self, begin tuh follow Godfrey in de slight drizzle. Godfrey look back and cross ovuh tuh de other side – he din want nuffing tuh do wid Tellmuh. Tek Dat did put a bull pissle lash in he years ago when he ketch he sweet talking Tellmuh. So he even start tuh walk faster. Now Tek Dat was crouching in de dark unda uh couple eddo leaves wid he guava stick in he left hand and de bull pissle in de right; so when he see de outline of de body wid uh basket pon duh head get in line wid he, he jump up and shout out “TEK DAT” and throw uh bull pissle lash down cross de body back. De basket drop off Tellmuh head and she stand up at attention. At de same time, Godfrey swear blin’ it did he dat get hit wid de bull pissle, so he let out one long scream. Tek Dat din recognize he wife and befo she could recover from de bull pissle lash, he drive two lashes cross she head wid he guava stick cracking loose she skull, turning she instantly foolish from dat day forward. When Godfrey hear the two guava stick lash cross Tellmuh head, he swear blind he hear El Vernon Del Congo beating he congo drums and he tek off straight fuh de police station. Tellmuh tumble upside down in de road; she actually wake up in de horsepitle two weeks later mumbling “TEK DAT” and up tuh dis day she in ketch she self yet. She end up in one uh de harms-houses and when de nurses ask she how she feeling – she wood only say “TEK DAT.” When Tek Dat hear Godfrey scream, he did planning tuh rifle thru de body pockets but all he could do was tuh snatch up de basket and duck thru de bushes and head fuh home. In uh matter of minutes Tek Dat did knocking pon de next door naybah kitchen door. Velmuh he grandadaughter had come tuh de door and she see de basket, so she ask – Dadda, whey Gran-gran is? ‘She probably stranded in town wid all dis rain; I gine back tuh wait fuh she soon.’ ‘But if Gran-gran still in town, why you got she basket?’ Tek Dat look down at the basket at his feet and recognizes he wife hawker basket and tumble upside down just so. THE ABOVE IS A WORK OF FICTION, if wunnuh did ingrunt enuff tuh believe dis wunnuh wood believe anyting. But Uh warning wunnuh, dis story is copyright on dis day November 08, 2013 unda all international copyright laws. Ya cannot share or reproduce in part or in whole any portion uh dis story widout de express permission of the author – Anthony Sealy. But wunnuh could read it and criticize it as wunnuh like.
Posted on: Fri, 15 Nov 2013 20:21:24 +0000
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