There are times that you just sit down and stare blankly ahead while you’re thinking a lot of things. I always think a lot - thinking about possibilities, the past, what I have been through and what I have become. I feel sorry for myself sometimes because I feel like I made stupid and those spur-of-the-moment decisions when I could’ve done better if only I have thought if it a million times. But I can never have those moments back so I always try to convince myself that everything happens for a reason. Maybe, just maybe those decisions were the best for me. As I look back to those not so- beautiful 24 years of my life, I can say that growing up is not and will never be easy. When I was a kid, I was so excited to grow up, to grow old, to know what would I become. Would I be successful? Who would be my husband? How many kids would I have? The questions just go on and on. Now that I am “older", I wanna be a kid again. I have this feeling that I wish I could just be a kid again and just plan and dream for the future again. But no, I can never be a kid a again. I have to accept that that sometimes, I need to go through things so I would understand how it feels to experience it or to be there in that situation. All I can do is to think that there are still a lot of tomorrows ahead of me. Tomorrows that I can use to learn not to hate myself because of the mistakes that I’ve done. The thing is, I just need to forgive myself and forget the painful things in the past. I know that the day will come that I will no longer feel sad whenever I am reminded of the past but instead smile because it happened and made me stronger and a better person. Maybe that is when I know it is over, that I have made it to the other side. So for now, I just have to remind myself that “I am not broken, just bent and I will learn to love myself again". (quoted from Pink’s song, Just Give Me A Reason)
Posted on: Mon, 02 Sep 2013 05:52:45 +0000
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