There are two kinds of mindsets that people have when entering into pretty much everything. I have to do this because or I choose to do this because. One kind of mental state makes for longevity, the other doesnt. The first mindset fosters something resentful in the mind that psychologists call Demand Resistance. This is the innate contrarian inside of all of us that resents being told what to do - clean our rooms, do our homework, not eat delicious poison, etc. Hilariously, this unconscious resistance to authority extends even to our *own* authority. So when you enter into anything--anything -- telling yourself its because you have to, youre already doomed. Your subconscious child resents you and is already figuring out ways to sabotage your efforts so that you can go back to doing what you want. You cannot make any meaningful long-term changes with this mindset. You cant take up a new hobby, you cant stop drinking, you cant stop biting your fingernails, you cant lose weight. Its tenable for a short time, and you will hate every grudging step, and secretly, you cant wait for the right excuse to present itself so you can go back to what you were doing and just shrug and say nothing ever works for me - and inevitably that excuse will present itself. People who are able to make life changes and consciously rewrite their longstanding negative and deleterious blueprints that lead them to self-sabotage -- be they weight, or addiction, or dating the wrong people, or learning a new skill-- succeed because they reach a point of realization where they identify an actual desire to consciously eschew engrained and gratifying but ultimately harmful behaviors. And that desire becomes stronger than the desire to do the bad thing, and eventually, the bad thing becomes anathema. Eventually, it sinks in how much better you feel, how much better youve done for yourself, and you cant see ever returning to the bad behavior. Im not the kind of person who does x. I am the kind of person who does y. People who do anything with a gun held to their own heads will find their willpower tested every day and their own psyche working against them. Thats what they mean when they say that pat, trite phrase you have to want it. It doesnt mean, you have to kill yourself with strict and maniacal adherence - it means your mindset has to switch identifying each new undertaking from a deprivation to a consciously desired state.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Mar 2014 20:48:55 +0000